Temptation
by PRO-Reader
Summary: what happens if carlisle had fealings for bella
1. Chapter 1

**1. CONVINCE ME AGAIN**

We sat together like a family. Laughing and enjoying each other's company. Family. That's what they've begun to think of me. A daughter and a sister. All of them except for Edward and Rosalie consented to my change. But majority rules. It was only a matter of time. The Volturi wanted it. They were vampiric royalty. What they wanted had to be done. It scared me deeply that they were waiting. Dawning over my demise. But in a way I welcomed it. They were enforcing the likelihood of Edward changing me. To be his companion for eternity. It warmed my heart that they accepted me. That they all wanted me to be a part of them. Edward sat against the black leather couch of the Cullen's wreck-room with me. His cold arm wrapped around my shoulder ever so lightly. This is the way I wanted my life to be forever.

"Now...in what twisted world could _that_ ever happen!" Emmet exclaimed as a plane blew up in mid-air on the television. He had a tendency to ruin action movies like this.

"Emmet..." Alice hissed. She lay on her stomach upon the hard floor. Jasper sat beside her cross legged, looking just as enthralled with the movie as his immortal wife.

"No, Really!" He leaned forward "No one could possibly survive that!"

"We could." Rosalie and Jasper said in unison. We laughed. Edward chuckled lightly beside me. Sending the smell of his luscious breath cascading over my face. I loved his laugh. I curled closer to him and buried myself contently into his chest. His strong arms enclosed around me.

"You know what I mean." Emmet jested. He looked at his wife Rosalie with a teasing look of menace before entrapping her in his solid arms and kissing her passionately as if no one else were in the room with them.

"Emmet. Rose." Esme rang from the loveseat that she and her husband Carlisle sat comfortably in. I didn't need to see Alice's face to know that she rolled her eyes at the affection Emmet and Rosalie were sharing. I looked up at my other half to find that he was staring at me with pensive eyes that were unreadable. I smiled lightly and kissed him on the cheek. Love all around. Suddenly, a beeping noise disturbed the atmosphere. Carlisle leaned back into the couch to ease his hand into his pocket. He pulled out his beeper which was glowing blue in the dark room. The young-looking doctor smiled a sad looking smile.

"I'm needed at the ER tonight"

"Again?" Esme had a blatant look of disappointment on her face.

"I'm sorry, love. I won't stay any longer than needed. I promise" He said the last sentence with a smile that showed he meant it. Esme smiled deeply and leaned forward to give him a small kiss which he returned. Such a beautiful love, those two had. I would be thrilled if Edward and I grew together like that. Stayed young and in love for as long as they were. I think Edward sensed the warmth spilling through me and pulled me closer to him in a tighter and more intimate embrace. In less than a minute, Carlisle was upstairs and then back down with his hair neatly combed and dressed nicely in a jacket with his doctor's bag caught in his hand.

"Goodnight." He spoke again as he entered the wreck-room again to say goodnight. One more kiss for his beautiful wife.

"Edward, don't forget to take Bella home. Don't want to keep Charlie up and waiting all night."

I pouted. Carlisle didn't mean to be a killjoy, but he had successfully made Edward move his arm from around me and nod in agreeance. But my boyfriend looked into my eyes. His topaz invaded my brown as we gave each other a look of understanding. He wouldn't be leaving me tonight. He and I shared the bed in my room every night for the longest time. Every night except for the months he spent away. And it was with this knowledge that I could rise from the couch and leave the Cullen home without complaint. Edward and I bid the family farewell and walked with Carlisle out the front door into the fresh, night air.

"Take it easy tonight." Edward smiled to Carlisle. The tall, blonde man smiled and nodded.

" And you don't keep Bella up all night. It's unbelievable how much humans need their sleep."Edward laughed and opened the passenger door to his Volvo for me.

"Don't I know it.." He flashed his brilliant teeth.

"Goodnight, ." I said with a smile before lowering myself into the seat.

"Goodnight, Bella." He said softly. His smile overshadowed mine. Carlisle's mustang, which was parked behind Edward's car pulled out quickly and swiftly before he drove away with a loud screech of the tires.

Edward drove one-handed. His other pale and freezing hand twined with mine. Trees and street lamps swirled by in a quick fury as my boyfriend exceeded the driving limit to take me home. In less than ten minutes, we were parked quietly outside my house. I knew I would be seeing him in mere moments, and that the faster I got out, the faster he could go home to ditch the car and come back to me. But waiting for him was hard. I had done enough waiting for him in my lifetime. Months without him. That was enough. It was far too much and I never wanted to be without him again. His eyebrows knotted together in thought as he looked at me. Trying as always, to decipher what was going on through my mind. Agony. Complete agony having to even think about how long I had existed here in Forks without him.

"Bella." He whispered. He ripped me from my nightmare and back into reality. I looked into his topaz eyes and let relief wash over me. He was here. He was here to stay. He was never going to leave me again. He promised.

"I'll see you in ten" I said with a smile as I leaned forward to give him a warm kiss on the lips. He smiled at me. I loved when he smiled at me. I quickly opened the door to let myself out and ran to the front door. Edward didn't move the car an inch until he was assured that I was safely inside. As I stepped into the coziness that was my house, I greeted my father who was undoubtedly watching football in the living room not too far off.

"Dad, I'm home!"

"Hey Bells! I didn't think you were coming home. I thought I had to fend for myself again." I looked over at the stove and noticed a frying pan holding some cold eggs and bacon. I couldn't restrain a small laugh. I was too lazy to cook tonight. This would have to do. I ate the remainants of the frying pan quickly, so not to keep Edward waiting. I looked at the clock on the microwave. It read a little after eleven. He would definitely be upstairs waiting by now.

"Mm..I'm going to bed now, Charlie. See ya in the morning." I said with a yawn. With that I dragged my heavy feet up the wooden stairs and to my bedroom. My door opened silently as I pushed my way in. I saw Edward just coming through my window. Moving quickly. Looking as godly as ever. My window watcher. My lovely vampire boy. I smiled.

"Someone's in a hurry.."

"To see you? Never." He said with sarcasm and a smile on his face. I walked slowly to him as I had so many times since we came back from Italy. I touched his face. My fingers touched his cold forehead. His eyebrows. His eyelids. Cheekbones. His proud nose. His chilled lips. Yes. He was here. Definitely. In the flesh.

_And he won't leave me again. He won't leave me again. He won't leave-_

"Bella? You seem kind of out of it tonight. Are you okay?" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. His intake of breath was sharp.

"What's wrong?..." He said. Seriousness shone in his eyes. His body movement said everything. His arms were there for comfort, but his eyes told me that if anyone was the cause of my pain, he would gladly hop out my window again and throttle whoever it is that made me cry. And thank god he couldn't read my mind. Because it was him.

"I'm just..so glad you're here." I whimpered. His eyes softened in understanding.

"I'll never leave you again, sweetheart. You know that. I'm not strong enough to be without you. Not again."

He spoke pleadingly. Wanting more than anything for me to believe him. I looked up at him and nodded. I did believe him. Didn't I?His face lowered to mine. I closed my eyes. His cold breath grazed my face. My lips. And I was in bliss. Our lips touched and I sighed. He held me close around the waist, not knowing that was all that was keeping me from falling to the floor. His cold fingers went through my hair. It was in these moments that I absolutely forgot that he left me. It was my birthday. He brought me home from the party at his house that went perfectly. He still refused to change me into a vampire, but he did want to be with me. To hold me and kiss me until morning. All those months never happened. I felt then as if I might truly cry. He pulled his lips from mine slowly and smiled warmly.

"Are you convinced?"

"Uh uh...I think you should..convince me again. I don't believe you quite yet.." I said with a teasing smile. As if to my command, the gorgeous vampire leaned down and kissed me lovingly on the lips again.

"That ought'a do it..." I said breathlessly..."Mmm..I need to take a shower."

"I'll be waiting." He said as-par-usual with a beautiful grin.

Slowly he released me and allowed me to wander about my room to find my bag of toiletries and pajamas to wear to bed. In the shower I let all the negative thoughts wash away with the dirt of the day on my skin and down into the dark abyss that was the drain. I let the drops of water spill into my hair and onto my face before shutting off the pressure and stepping out of the bath onto the carpet before it. I dried myself thoroughly and slipped on my clothing before running my brush through my wet hair and leaving the steamy bathroom. When I stepped into my room, I briefly caught sight of Edward looking at the things that littered my desk. Pictures of mom and Phil. Makeup that I would never wear. Nailpolish that was unnoticable on my fingers. Barrettes that I kept in a small box.

"Snooping, are we?" I said with a smile as I silently closed the door behind me. Edward laughed bashfully.

"Can you believe after all this time we've been together, I'm still curious about you Bella Swan?"

I smiled a little. I knew how he felt exactly. After he left, I found myself even more intrigued by him again. I guess we were both afraid we had missed something crucial in each other's life. Him leaving was a heartbreaking pinnacle in my life. I did learn a lot about myself. Namely, that life without him was hell. Absolute hell. It made me tired just thinking about it. I yawned slowly. Edward smiled softly at me again. Turning my legs to Jello.

"The princess needs her rest." He lifted me firmly into his arms and carried me the short distance to my bed where he slid me between the covers and walked to the side wall to flip the light switch.

"And the prince will stay with the princess tonight, right?"

Immediately after the light went out, I felt a cold arm envelope me. The sound of him breathing my scent in from behind me was intoxicating.

"There's nowhere in the world the prince would rather be..." He stroked my hair and kissed my neck gently. Sending a ripple of goose bumps rising all over my body.

"I love you." I whispered. I didn't bother waiting for his response. He loved me. I felt it deeper than some of my very own emotions. Before he could answer, I fell fast asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. TEMPTATION**

I woke the next morning at an early hour. I rolled over on my side and was prepared for the inevitable chill and comfort of Edward's hard and cold chest to press up to my cheek as I cuddled into him. I frantically felt the cold sheets where his body should have lay and felt nothing. I woke with a start. So quickly my head throbbed. My heart was pounding. I began to hyperventilate.

"Edward!? Edw-"

"Shh...I'm right here..." I felt his hand touching my head. I grabbed for him. Grabbed for dear life and didn't let go. I thought he had left me again. My breath came in short gasps. There was tears already streaming down my face.

"You said...You s-said t-that-"

"Shh..I know. I know. But I forgot to get the forecast from Alice last night. I can smell the sun rise. It's going to be sunny today. I have to leave quickly before the city wakes"

"You said you wouldn't leave me..." I whimpered. He kneeled before my bed and took my head in between his hands.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I was going to leave you a note." I clutched to him and cried into his shoulder. He repeated his words over and over until my sobbing subsided.

"I was s-scared. I was d-dreaming and f-finally woke u-up.." My words came out as unevenly as my breath.

"I know..I know...I'm sorry.." But he had no idea. None. While he was gone I had dreams. Wonderful dreams in which he was lying here with me. And when I woke up, he would be gone. It was devastating.

"Stay..." I whispered. A look of pain spread through his face as he lowered himself onto the bed and took me into his arms where I belonged. He hummed his beautiful lullaby to me. And after it was finished he whispered that he loved me. Over and over.

"But I have to go...The sun is rising. If anyone sees-"

"I know. I know." I whispered. He lifted my chin and gave me a long kiss while wiping my tears dry. He didn't let me go for a long while. He just kissed me until I felt as if my episode of fear never happened.

"Tonight..." He smiled a little.

"Tonight." I returned the favor. Feeling a little silly about my outburst earlier. And with that he was gone out my window. I looked at my clock. It was early, but I'd might as well get ready for school.

I dressed in blue jeans and a maroon colored blouse. It was nice weather today, but heavens knew when dark clouds were ready to show themselves in Forks. The house was quiet and empty. Charlie had gone to work not too long ago. I wasn't in the mood to eat this morning so I picked up a banana off the table and carried it with me to my old truck just in case. The feel of the warm wind outside was lovely. I opened the door and got inside. I rolled the window down as far as they would go in their old condition and drove to school with the wind in my hair. When at school I was greeted by Mike. He spoke proudly about a paper he wrote for English. I rejoiced with him. He never did work too hard in that class and this was quite a change. Classes just flew by. Already it was lunch hour. I wasn't looking forward to it as much as I usually did because I knew that neither Edward nor Alice would be there. I ordered some macaroni salad and a box of chocolate milk before sitting down at the usual table with the usual people. Jessica, as always, sounded excited about something unbeknownst to me. Laura looked at me as if I were the devil's spawn and was probably rejoicing in the fact that I wasn't sitting with my boyfriend as usual, today.

Gym was a drag. Because of the nice weather, we went out to play baseball. I frowned. I'd be much more enthusiastic about playing or watching if Edward were here. He was the best ball player I knew.

After the bell rang, everyone ran from the field and back up to the school. I walked. Slowly, and at my own pace, I strode back to the school with my frayed baseball glove. Even so, I couldn't manage to keep myself balanced long enough to make it back to the school unscathed. I tripped over a stub of artificial grass and fell onto the moist ground. Lovely. Mud caked my elbows and knees.

Grateful that noone was there to see, I continued my gait back to the red-bricked school. By the time I reached the girls changing room, it was almost empty. The couple of girls that were left inside stared at me as I passed them and headed for the showers. I passed a mirror on the way and saw that the mud hadn't spared my face. I moaned in disgust with myself and stripped myself of my clothing. I turned on the shower and stepped under the blessedly hot water that the showerhead emitted. I heard the laughter of the girls fade away and the door close behind them. If they were laughing at me, I had no idea. I gathered the harsh bar of no-name brand soap in my hand and built a lather on my skin. I scrubbed the grime of sweat and mud from my body and stood under the water to let the heat of it comfort me.

Suddenly, my heart's pace quickened. I turned around quickly. No one was there. But I had an inkling. I turned back to face the showerhead, only to find myself turned around a second time. My breathing was becoming quicker. I could swear someone was there. And every time I turned my head, I felt eyes piercing the back of my neck. Quickly I shut off the tap. I couldn't hear anything over the pounding of the water on the tiled floor. I could hear water dripping but I tried to block it off to better hear my surroundings. Nothing. But a strong presence was still felt.

"H-hello?" Water dripped from my lashes and into my eyes. I wiped them away and held my arms around myself to hide as best I could. I felt helpless. This was like a scene from a cheesy horror movie. A cheerleader left alone in the changing room and then a dark, hooded figure jumps out and stabs her when she least expects it. I tried my hardest to shake the thought from the mind but couldn't do it. The scenario was uncanny. I left the shower area and back to the lockers I grabbed my clothes quickly off of the benches and held them against myself. I backed myself into a corner where I was sure not to be attacked from behind and quickly pulled my clothes on. As soon as I finished I grabbed my school bag and ran from the room. My body struck something hard. As if I'd run into a brick wall.

"Woah,. I always knew you hated gym, but what's the hurry?"

"Edward" Fright was in my eyes. I must have been shaking. The few students that still littered the school halls were looking at me funny. I clutched to him as I had many times in my life. He was like my life support.

"What's wrong?" He was officially worried. And I suddenly felt silly.

"Nothing..." I smiled dismissively. He looked at me through the slits of his eyes until I caved.

"Okay, I thought I heard something in the girls change room. But you know me. It was probably-"

"Something. You have a knack for danger..Stay here. Don't move." He moved from before me and to the door behind me.

"Edward, don't bother.." I hissed. But he was already gone. Outside the change room I felt safer. But I was worried for Edward. What if something really was in there? After a few agonizing minutes, Edward emerged from the change room and looked at me thoughtfully.

"None's in there." He said.

"I told you. I was just being paranoid" I smiled lightly and grabbed his hand to hold in mine.

"Wait, how are you here? I thought you said it was sunny out."

"It's rainy out, now. I came to pick you up at the first sight of clouds" he grinned.

"Mmm..let's go home." I smiled. "I need help with trig."

"Home..." Edward repeated. I looked to him questioningly and he did little but laugh as a response.

"Huh?"

"Well I was thinking..you spend so much time at my house, it's hard to know what you mean by 'home' anymore. I kind of wondered...what it would be like if you and I had our own place..someday." I looked to him with wide eyes. It was surprising that we had been together for six months before he left and we had never spoken about this once. "I mean, there's more than enough room for you at the mansion.. But I was just thinking..."

"I think it would be nice..." I smiled. "Just leaving school and going to a place meant just for us." I sighed with delight at the thought.

"Maybe we'll do it. When you go to college I can buy-" I scoffed and sped up my pace, but still held onto his hand. "What?"

"College, eh?"

"Well yeah-" he started before realizing where I was getting at. "Bella let's not start this agian."

"Edward, you know what I want. And the conversation is going to keep coming up until you suck up your nerve to change me or stand aside and let Alice or Carlisle do it. The Volturi are going to come for me. You know that."

Despite the annoyance he might have had with me, his hand tightened over mine. I looked to him. Stubborn as he may be, he loved me. And god, did I ever love him. That's all I wanted immortality for. I didn't care about the beauty or the grace. I didn't care to live forever and animals' blood definitely wasn't my idea of a picnic. It was him that I wanted. To be with him forever. To be able to have him kiss me and touch me without him having to move away when things got a little carried away. I didn't have to be his delicate, doll.

Once we reached the exit at the front of the school and opened the door, I saw the rain pouring down and couldn't help but smile. I was a Phoenix girl through and through. But rainy weather was now my favorite just because it meant extra time with Edward. He drove through the wind and rain effortlessly and quickly as always. When we pulled up to my house, I looked through the streaked window to see that Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driving way.

"Shall we?" Edward's beautiful voice rang and in an instant he was out of the Volvo and opening the car door for me. Sometimes I felt like royalty when I was with him. He sure knew exactly how to make me feel special.

We ran through the rain to my house and he swiftly grabbed my house key from it's hiding place before opening the door and letting me go in. Once we were inside and shook the rain from our hair, we ventured upstairs into my room. Edward ran his pale fingers through his auburn hair and threw himself haphazardly across my bed. I mumbled on and on about my day and he couldn't suppress his laughter when I told him about my unfortunate trip onto the muddy ground after gym class. Which wasn't his fault. I shouldn't have told him. I slipped in a cd that he and I had in common into my stereo by the bed. The vampire on my bed closed his eyes and lost himself in the music. So beautiful. I took my eyes off of his perfection long enough to grab my notebook and text book out of my bag and turn to the pages where my homework was written down. I sat at the edge of the bed and lay out the text in front of me. Trying to make sense of everything with diagrams and examples. Nothing seemed to relate. For an hour I sat on the bed with Edward by me silently. I managed to get the answers to five of the questions. The sixth stumped me. My head hurt. I barely felt the movement of the bed as he sat up and placed his cool fingers to my temples. He massaged my head and I immediately felt at ease. There was something about him that eased all of my pain. I sighed and let him work his magic. His hands massaged my shoulders and back.

"You're so tense..." He whispered. Then I felt something cold on my neck. It made a shiver run through me. A good one. His lips. He kissed my neck repeadantly as he had many times. And just like every other time, my heart stuttered. It stopped. And then it tried to pound its way out of my chest. I sighed in delight but didn't move. Couldn't move. He continued his kisses while massaging my back. And it felt like it went on for hours. I was going insane. Slowly I turned around to face him. He stared at me with his deep, butterscotch eyes. I took in his beauty as much as possible. His hair. His cheeks. His nose. His mouth. God..his mouth. And every time he breathed out, his breath stained the air with his wonderful scent. I don't know where my sanity got thrown out the window, but before I could think, Edward's lips were pressed against mine. It seemed we kissed for a long time. But that was never long enough. I sighed and gripped at his hair gently with my fingers. I parted my lips slightly, hoping he would do the same. He didn't. He pulled away slightly, but to my delight, he didn't push me away.

He continued kissing me with restraint. He pushed me down gently onto the bed and brushed my hair away from my face. His hands ran freverently over my torso. The blasting music playing was tuned out but it seemed to give Edward more momentum. He had never kissed me like this. Ever. My heart couldn't take this. My body was shaking. I was so dizzy. It was too much. But I wanted more. Panting was difficult not to do.

"Edward.." I whispered as he freed my lips to kiss my jawbone. I hadn't meant for it to come out so pleadingly. He pulled away then. He looked into my eyes and then backed away from me. Words couldn't describe how strange I felt now that his weight wasn't on me anymore. I wanted it back.

"Bella-I" He paused and looked off to the direction of the window. "I'm sorry. I lost control. I didn't mean to.."

"No...no it's fine.." I gasped.

"No..it's not. It's really not."

"Edward-"

"Bella..I can't.." His jaw clenched. I know he felt frustrated. Not by me, but possibly because of the fact he couldn't. That he wanted to. I nodded in understanding and looked up at him.

"It's okay..." I whispered. My voice was still shaky. It embarrassed me. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I took a deep breath to make my heart regulate. "Hold me anyway? I've had enough of trig for the night" I melted as I saw Edward smile lightly at me and give me a loving kiss on the forehead.

"That I can do...C'mere" He held me tightly in his arms like I loved and sat with me against the headboard of my bed with our fingers mingled together.

"I should get going now. Charlie will be back from work soon."

"Will you be back?"

"Of course. I can't stay away from you too long..you know that" He smiled. "I'll pick you up later to take you to the 'other-other home'. If it's okay with your father of course."

"I'll find a way." I whispered. "Wild horses couldn't stop me." He leaned forward and kissed me so sweetly then, I thought I'd die.

"I'll pick you up at seven then.."

" 'Kay..." I said with a smitten look in my eyes. He slipped out my window and it was only seconds before I heard his tires screech away. I made my way downstairs where I took some frozen meat from the freezer to thaw for Charlie's dinner. I sat on the couch in the living room after dinner was ready. Blankly staring at the television. Waiting for the clock to turn seven. At six thirty, Charlie could be heard at the door unlocking the bolt and stepping in from the rain while I finished up the meat cooking over the stove.

"Bella?"

"Hey, Charlie. I just finished dinner."

"Smells good, as always."

As par usual, My father hung up his belt on a coat hook and removed his wet, muddy boots at the front carpet. "

"Yeah. Hey, would you mind if I went to Edward's house for dinner in half an hour?" I asked as sweetly and casually as I could. My father's lips tightened and he stayed quiet for a long while. I know that had it been someone else from school that invited me for dinner, he would say yes without another thought. He still didn't trust Edward. After he picked up and left all those months ago without a letter or a telephone call, Charlie lost all trust he had previously in the man that I loved. "I'll be back by ten." I added quickly.

"Bella-" I removed the frying pan filled with food from the burner on the fire and dished it out into a plate set aside on the counter beside me. When I finished plating the food, I turned around to face the chief of police. His face looked conflicted and agonized. He knew he was holding me too close, but also that I hadn't been this happy in a long time. I was still missing Jacob terribly, but I had my soulmate back and that was enough.

"Dad...please." I didn't want to go through this again. My father exhaled and looked to the floor. He didn't answer but I knew he had given up. Part of my heart sank at this. I carried his plate over to the table and placed it at the end for when he was ready to eat it. I wanted to comfort my dad but I was no good at this. I placed my hand on his shoulder and looked at him lovingly. Appreciatively. He had gone through so much during my struggle without Edward. Those months alone him was like a devastating earthquake of my life. But poor Charlie, I knew that he felt the tremors immensely. He had made me angry in an attempt to send me to Florida to live with my mother again, but he did it because he cared. That meant a lot.

"Just...don't stay out too late." He said with a wavering finalty to his voice.

"I won't." Immediately I ran upstairs to prepare myself for Edward. I showered and brushed out my hair to a dry shine. I dressed myself in a black skirt and a dark blue v-neck. When I made my way downstairs, Edward was already standing in my kitchen. Charlie leaning against a counter. The awkward silence was deafening.

"Ah..." I said, gliding over to Edward and sliding my hand into his. "I'll be back later, Dad." I said, turning on heel and walking to the door."

"I will have her back by ten Charlie." Edward spoke respectively. My father nodded once and watched as the door closed behind us. Once outside we ran to Edward's Volvo. We jumped in to avoid the rain and then he started the ignition and set off into the night. I looked out the window at the blur of Forks passing us by. Thinking hard to myself. My imagination taking me elsewhere.

"You're quiet tonight.." Edward said softly. His voice was heaven to my ears and yet I didn't look at him. I refused. Or I would loose all initiative and I wouldn't tell him exactly what was on my mind. And I had to..I had to.

"I was just thinking.."

"That's new.." he joked. "What about?"

"This afternoon. When you were in my room." His jaw was set and stern and now, the light purr of the car engine was all I heard. I continued. I knew he wouldn't say anything.

"Edward, I don't know how much I can take this...I look at you and.." I paused and looked at him to see if his expression changed. It didn't. What I was saying could be taken as flattery, but to him, it was just moving in to difficult territory.

"Your love is enough. More than enough. But I want you to touch me Edward. I want to touch you..." I put my hand gently over his hand that was holding the stick shift. His knuckles white. He looked at me with such anguish in his eyes I thought I might cry. He slid his hand from beneath mine slowly and ran his fingers through his own lovely hair. Taking in a deep and unnecessary breath.

"Bella-" He started. I knew he was going to argue with me and I had to stop him.

"Edward I love you."

"I love you too." He said with a hint of anger in his voice. He was looking at me, but still driving quickly and perfectly on the road.

"Then why don't you want me?!"

"I don't want to hurt you Bella! I told you. I could kill you! I could break your bones. I'm an animal Bella. And you _know _how potent your blood is. You know it! I could give in and bite you! I could-"

"Do it!" His face was horror stricken. As if someone had slapped him in the face. He looked at me. He knew exactly what I meant. "I want you to bite me Edward. I want you to make me into a vampire. That way we don't have to worry about this anymore! You can kiss me and touch me all you want. We can be together forever. Isn't that what you want?"

"Bella." He started softly. Controlling himself. "I want to spend forever with you. I do. I will be with you forever. For as long as you walk the earth I will be yours. And when you die..." He spoke with difficulty now. "When you die, I will follow you right after. But right now you are beautiful. You are perfect. Your heart is beating..there's flush in your cheeks when you get mad at me..just like this.." His eyes were on the road now, but his hand went to my face, burning with blood and flushed with anger.

"And I'm not damning you to a half life with anything less than that. Than what you deserve. I've come too far to save you, only to kill you now..."

I let silence prevail for a while. Letting his words sink in. When he thought he had won the debate, his hand left my cheek and went down to my lap to pick up my hand in his.

"Alright..." I whispered. There was silence in his car as he continued to drive the empty roads of Forks. "Just answer me this..." My lover maintained his silence as he looked out onto the road.

"Are you saying that you love me..and yet you can look at me every day for the rest of my life..and never want me..not even once?" Silence. He looked slowly to me again. "Can you be with me for my entire forever..and never just want to give me more than one of your close-mouthed kisses?"

"No..." He replied. "No. I think about it all the time. Look at me Bella. I died a 17 year old boy. The thoughts and desires of that age are still there. You're the only person I've ever been with. The only person I _want_ to be with. But I have to put these things aside. Not because I don't want you...because I love _you. _You personally, more than anything physical or sexual. Having your love in return is worth more than all that.."

His words shamed me. Why didn't I feel the same way? Why did I have this strong yearning to just have me kiss me without pulling away that he didn't have? Why did I think about it-about him- constantly? Because I loved him. And I wanted him. Every inch. It made me feel scandalous. Abnormal. Lusty. But I was 18. It was absolutely normal. And this wasn't just some highschool crush. It was love. True love between us and we couldn't even express it. It wouldn't have bothered me at all if I was just waiting. Waiting for him to change me so I could be unbreakable like him. So he could finally _be _with me like Emmet was with Rose. Or Carlisle with Esme. Or even Alice and Jasper! But he didn't want to change me. Ever. Which means I couldn't be with him in that way. Ever. And that hurt more than I would have liked. It was because I was human. I was allowed to feel this way. My desire for him wasn't buried under a century of bloodlust like his was for me.

"Edward I love you..but God, it's so hard...It's...I can't control. A-and the way you make me feel when you kiss me..it's like-"

"Heroin?" He said with a smirk.

"Yeah..." I smiled, almost sadly. He looked at me with an understanding that made my whole body melt.

"I know how that feels...trust me..." Edward stroked my hair now and lifted a lock to bring slowly to his face and inhaled deeply.

Seconds later, we were pulled up in front of the large white house which Edward and his family shared. We stepped out of the Volvo and into the rain. We ran to the front door which Esme opened as if she were waiting for our arrival.

"Hello Edward, Bella." Esme greeted us with a warm smile and took my coat from me to hang up. "How are you dear?"

"I'm good, thanks" I said with a smile. Alice stormed down the stairway then and stopped abruptly in front of me before going up on her toes to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"Bella! It was my turn to cook for you tonight." Alice rang with a cheerful smile.

When I came to the Cullen's house for dinner, 'dinner' usually consisted of someone cooking for me and me eating it by myself while everyone else just sat across the dinner table. It was a little awkward at first, but I faded into everything naturally when the family sat laughing and conversing with each other. Tonight went very much the same. Alice did an amazing job with dinner. Mashed potatoes and some kind of grilled meat that tasted perfect. Edward, to my left picked up the fork when I put it down too long and lifted food to my lips for me. While the family was talking back and forth I felt a pair of eyes cast upon me. Much like this afternoon in the changing room at school. Everyone was caught up in their laughter except for Carlisle, who was looking at his beeper, as always.

"Carlisle has to go.." Alice announced before he could say a word. Esme looked to her husband with an understanding look. I'm sure she was used to his busy schedule by now.

"I'm sorry darling.." He said aloud as he leaned to the side to kiss his wife lovingly on the lips. I saw his lips moving quickly and Esme closed her eyes with a small smile.

"Have a good night everyone. I'm sorry I have to storm out so quickly." A chorus of 'Goodnight Carlisle' ran out and I joined in with a small frown. It was sad that he didn't get to spend all the time he wanted with his family. What was the point in immortality if he couldn't have that?

Without another word, he picked up his doctor's bag and we heard him close the door quietly as he departed. The chatter of the family continued like this for the rest of the night. Emmet and his obnoxiously funny antics.

"The rain is dying down.." Jasper said from the large window in the west room. Light from a clear chandelier shone down upon the beautiful white piano. "And it's not too cold..we should go for a walk."

"That sounds like a lovely idea" Esme said. Alice rose to her husband's side at the window with an innocent smile.

"Sounds good.." Rosalie said. "Let me get my coat." In a blur of color, she was gone. It wasn't like she needed the coat, but she knew exactly how to put on a good show for us humans.

"Bella, Edward, are you coming?" Esme asked maternally.

"We'll stay." Edward said quietly. "If that's okay with you, Bella.." He smiled at me. The boy was reading my mind.

"Yeah. You guys have fun." I spoke enthusiastically. Coats were gotten and Edward's family said their goodnights to me.

"Don't do anything Rosalie and I would do.." Emmet joked as he jabbed Edward in the arm. Edward growled under his breath..

"Good night Emmet" I said. And the door closed behind them. I turned to Edward, to see him already looking at me. A playful look was in his eyes as he analyzed me.

"What?" I smiled. His crooked smile splayed over his face beautifully as he prepared to speak.

"It has occurred to me just now that I have never heard you play..." He said as he waltzed to the piano in the other room, pulling me gently behind.

"Probably because I can't play." I said bashfully. Heat rose to my cheeks.

"You did. When you were young. Rene signed you up for lessons when you were little. You told me..remember?"

"You remembered that?" I gasped.

"I remember everything Bella..." Edward sighed. "Especially if it's about you." He sat across from the piano on a matching bench and pulled me beside him.

"Come on..try and play _something" _he spoke gently. His eyes took in everything I did. There was no escaping this. I slowly exhaled a deep breath, stretched my fingers and placed them on the cold ivory before throwing Edward a resentful glance. He only smirked and gave me a look that said.: "Show me what you've got"

I pressed my fingers down in a quick fashion and let the sounds of 'Chop Sticks' reverberate off of the air. He laughed delightfully and joined me in the awesomeness that was Chop Sticks. When the song was over Edward put his hand on his stomach and laughed hard. I joined him. It was fun, and quite a treat to see him laugh and smile. It made my heart do a somersault.

"I love it when you laugh..." I said with a smile on my face. Edward looked at me lovingly. My bones turned to jelly.

"I do it a lot more now that I'm back here with you..." I leaned forward and took his cheek into the palm of my hand.

"Promise me." I whispered, closing my eyes. "Promise me again." I knew he would know exactly what I meant. And I needed to hear it.

"I'll never leave you."

"Say it again..." I whispered. Wanting his words to truly take every doubt away.

"Bella..." My eyes shot open at the sound of his voice saying my name. "I will never, ever leave you again..Ever. I love you. I love you."

"I love you..." I said quietly, pressing my lips to his.

His hands went through my hair and cupped my face. My fingers found his cold neck and shoulders. My hands went down his chest to explore the marble of his body. What I would give to have him crush me under his body. Whatever was left of my nails ran down the length of his arm as I held him close. Both our breathing was increasing in speed. His hands ran down my waist and I was in heaven. I could tell that he knew we were crossing the borderline again. But my eyes pierced his and I know that his thoughts struck momentarily to the conversation we had just had in the car. By the look on his face and the way he continued to kiss me afterwards, I know that he was meditating on it and was trying to push the line just a little bit further. He picked me up ever so gently and effortlessly by the waist and set me on the keys of the piano that went off in a loud clamor as my weight settled on them. He stood before me, looking beautiful as always.

Contemplating his next move. His eyes as they watched over me looked hungry and ferocious. He always compared himself to an animal, and that when he drank blood, his senses went haywire into predator mode. He always said it to scare me, I think. But sometimes..during times like this when a small growl built up in his chest. When his eyes glowed yellow at me like this, I felt strangely taken aback by the arousal of it all. He didn't know how godly he was in my eyes. My heart stopped breathing. My breath came in little gasps. And then he came at me. Quickly. Knocking what little air I had, out of me. He wrapped one arm around my waist and twined the other one in my hair as he kissed me ferociously. I wrapped my legs around his waist and thrust my fingers into his hair. I sight happily as he kissed me. I felt light. Free. The feelings he gave me couldn't be compared to anything else. My face grew unbearably hot, as did my ears. Then as he kissed me I felt a shock of cold going up my leg. His fingers were moving ever so slowly under my skirt. Up my thigh. I unwillingly broke from the kiss to let a whimper and a groan escape my lips. I buried myself into his neck and kissed it and the little bit of his smooth chest that showed from underneath his shirt.

His fingers moved away from my trembling leg. I felt my heart sink a little, but he continued to kiss me. He wasn't stopping. At this realization, I thought my heart was going to burst. His fingers slid up to my waist again before they slid up my blouse and against my bare stomach. I trembled and squirmed, so my bottom touched more keys of the piano to ring out. I tightened my legs around his waist. He kissed my neck. His breathing was so hard. Was he enjoying this as I was? Was he breaking down too? He must have been. He was...shaking. And it excited me having him as vulnerable as he was right now. His tongue flicked against my neck, sending the butterflies from my stomach, fluttering about my entire body.

"Bella..." He moaned from my neck.

"D-don't stop.." I shook.

"I can't..."

"Edward.."

"I can't" he hissed. "I'll hurt you...I can't hurt you.."

"You won't."

"You smell...And I want..."

"But you won't.." I pleaded. It was like a physical ache now. He couldn't leave me like this.

"That's right..I won't." He pulled away. My face was still burning. My body felt abandoned and broken without his against it. "I won't take that chance...I'm so sorry Bella..."

"Yeah...me to.." I whispered. I slipped noisily from the piano and placed my feet on the floor. Stupid of me. I nearly crashed to the floor. My body was still gelatin because of the effect his lips had on me. He caught me quickly and pulled me back up to my feet. He held me against him. I knew he was sorry. I knew he wanted it as much as I did. He said so. But it wasn't completely out of his control. All he had to do was change me. End both our suffering. He could taste my blood. I would live forever with him. We could have the marriage-like relationship we wanted so much. All he had to do was change me. And he knew this. And he wouldn't. And I couldn't take it anymore.

"It's about time I got you home.." He whispered into my hair.

"Yeah. Let's go." He took my hand into his and carried me to the front door where he retrieved my coat and put it around my shoulders.

The drive home was relatively quiet. I tried not to let the disappointment in me show, so I held his hand and smiled up at him when his eyes left the road to gaze upon me. Inside I was screaming. Hoping. Waiting. For him to stop the car. Pull into one of the dark forests we were driving past and just sink his teeth into my neck. For him to take me back to his house, hold my hand and stay with me for three days as the pain of the venom took over my body and be with me forever from that moment on. And the nights..every night to be pure unadulterated bliss. My mortality was driving us both crazy and only one of us wanted to do something about it.

"Tomorrow's gonna be a sunny day." He said quietly. Breaking the silence. This made me frown with disappointment.

"Not again..." I whispered.

"I know..." He agreed. Looking at me longingly.

"Can I come over?"

"That's what I had in mind..but the family is going hunting..And I really need to go." He lowered his head. It looked like he was embarrassed. There was no need for anyone that beautiful to be embarrassed. He was perfect. In every way possible.

"Oh..So I won't see you until tomorrow night?

"

"No.." He mused sadly. "But we have tonight..." The corners of his mouth lifted, making mine do the same. When we pulled up to my house he kissed me sweetly, as a custom and I fled quickly from the car and into my house where I greeted Charlie and let him know that I was okay before faking a yawn and making my way upstairs as wearily as I could manage. Once into my sky blue room, Edward was already standing in the middle of the floor looking angelic as ever.

"I'm starting to feel sorry for Charlie y'know.."

"Why?" I asked, unable to suppress a little snicker.

"Well, think about it. He sends his little girl out with me. Intends for him to bring her back at an appropriate hour-"

"Which you do-"

"-Yes, which I do. Before sneaking up to her room again, where I spend the whole night. And the poor guy has no idea." He moved forward and enveloped me into his arms. I laughed a little.

"Well it's not that deceptive. All we do is sleep."

"Well.._you_ sleep. I-"

"-Watch...yes I know.." I said with a small blush

"And listen. Can't forget that.." He laughed a little. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed his fingers against my back. I leaned against him. Breathed him in. He smelled so good. I wonder how he tasted. I would never know. He released me after a long time of holding me, and when he did I smiled at him lovingly, as I always did when he didn't enrage me with his stubbornness

"I need to change.." I whispered.

"I'll be waiting." He responded. Whenever he said that, it made me shiver. Being in the bathroom and knowing that a beautiful creature was walking about in the area where I slept. Waiting for my return. And with these thoughts, I changed with an amazing haste. When I came into the room, the light was already turned of and he was already laying in my bed. With his eyes closed. His body rising and falling with every deep breath.

"Faker.." I whispered. He smiled unwillingly and lifted the comforter for me to slip under. When I did this, I felt his cold, strong arm around me. And I kicked myself. I was laying in bed with the most beautiful, considerate, kind, loving man in the world and I was here beating myself up because he couldn't get too close? Foolish. This was all I needed. Right here. I would die without this.

"I love you Bella Swan."

"I love you too Edward Cullen"

It took a little longer for me to fall asleep that night. Edward knew exactly what to do. He stroked my hair and whispered his lullaby to me. And then I was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**3. AN APPLE A DAY**

The next day I woke to find my bed empty, but I felt anything but that. I smiled. I could almost feel the tingling on my cheek where my love probably kissed me before climbing out my window and into the early morning before sunrise. Today was a gorgeous day. I opened my window and let the fresh air flood in. I looked about my room, wondering what to do myself on this bright and sunny Saturday morning. Usually, I would spend my weekends with Edward, doing something more fun than usual like going out to eat or catching a movie in Port Angeles. No such luck this weekend. Sun. Sun. Sun. Jacob was sadly the first person to come to mind. He betrayed me. He turned me in to Charlie when I had gotten back from Italy. He told him about the bike that he fixed up for me and Dad flipped. I was grounded for months. I'd never been grounded before in my entire life. It was a life altering experience.

My thoughts took me to my pretty, cherry red motorcycle that Charlie had chained up outside. How much fun I had with it when I was doing anything and everything to get over Edward. Jacob and I had a fun time learning how to ride, and I thought he taught me exceptionally well. My bike. I would love to ride it just one more time. It seemed like a death trap, but I was actually getting kinda good before I got it confiscated. To ride, or not to ride? Charlie was at work. I actually knew where the key was. For a police chief, you'd think Charlie would hide the key somewhere a little more innovative than under a broken kettle in the kitchen cupboards. The bike. I would ride it around a bit and no one would be the wiser. I wanted to. Truly. So why were my palms sweating at the thought? Why did I think this would turn out badly?

I put on a yellow tank top and blue jeans for the day. It reflected my mood. I was happy. Though it would be better if Edward and I could spend the day in his meadow instead. I jumped downstairs and poured a glass of orange juice for myself. I guzzled it down and made my way over to the cupboard. I lifted the rusty old kettle that couldn't sing and found my motorcycle key sitting under it. Looking old and neglected, somehow. I lifted the piece of metal into my hand and looked at it. Was this a good idea? I was a klutz. If this didn't go well..it was going to be very, very bad. I shook the thought. I was a 'magnet for danger' as Edward put it, but I couldn't let that run my life. There was a beautiful red bike locked up in the shed in my back yard. And I would ride the thing if it was the last thing I did. Which it probably would be, knowing me.

_Enough with the negativity Bella. You can drive, right? Right. So why can't you ride a bike? Who cares if the motorcycle has more of a danger factor than my 150 speed bike_

"I can practically hear Edward now. 'Bella, what the hell are you thinking?!'" I laughed. No. I would be good. My boredom wouldn't get the best of me. I poured myself another glass of juice and sauntered to the livingroom where I turned on the tv and watched infomercials for an hour and a half. I couldn't stop thinking about the bike. I chomped on my nails and watched the screen blankly and tried not to think about the freedom. The wind on my face. The excitement of danger without someone nagging in my ear. Memories of riding with Jacob at La Push made the longing even more unbearable. I looked back at the television and glared at the woman on the screen who wouldn't stop trying to sell me a silent juicer before rising from the couch

I sighed and trudged outside. I was going to have fun today damn it. I would go visit Jessica. Yeah. I hadn't spent a good day with her in a while. I made my way to the shed out back and opened the defective deadbolt with my hand and pushed open the wooden door. It was dark and damp inside, but my bike gleamed. It was so shiny. I hadn't grown attached to it enough to dirty it. Today, perhaps? I walked over to the bike and put my hands on the front handle bars to wheel it out. If Edward found out about this, I would never hear the end of it. My helmet sat on a shelf beside some bottles of spray paint that Charlie probably confiscated from a few of the town-kids. I don't know why else he would have purple paint in a can. I reached up on tippy toe for it and checked it for cobwebs or anything else as unpleasant before slipping it onto my head.

Paranoia began to set in. Neighbors were few and far in between, but what if someone saw? I took a deep breath and wheeled the beautiful vehicle to my front driveway. If Edward was allowed to live fast, so was I. Once out on the asphalt, I mounted the bike like Jake taught me to do. Kicked up the stand with my left heel. Put the key into the appropriate spot. Turned. It didn't work. I gave it another go and the loud engine screamed before simmering to a low grumble. Exactly how a bike should sound. My confidence grew in abundance as I got the hang of things again. The memory of doing it before came back and everything I did was natural. I lifted one leg up. Pushed off with the other. Revved the engine and took off down the driveway slowly. I made my way to the road down below me with as much care as I could manage. I turned onto the road heading west and felt the warm wind in my hair. I was still driving slowly but it felt nice. I looked at the speedometer. I was driving at a wimpy 40.

_My truck can do better than this _

I pushed the bike harder till the gauge read 50. Then 70. 75. 80. That was where my comfort zone was at it's peek and my adrenaline pumped the most without being thrown from the motorcycle. I rode like a pro and it felt amazing. If Edward saw _this _he would be proud, I think. I drove for a good twenty minutes before sighting a brown bricked house that belonged to Jessica. It was closer than I thought. I slowed down to make a turn into her driveway but didn't do it quick enough. I fell from the bike and skid on the pavement of her driveway. The bike screeched sideways a little ways against the road before stopping. The engine still going. All this caused a lot of noise.

"Bella?!"

Oh no. I was almost hoping no one was home to see this. Jessica came running from her house and to my aid. "Oh my god, it is you! What on earth are you doing? Who's bike is that?! Oh god, you're bleeding!"

Pain shot through my legs. It was a moment before I could even think of moving them. I looked at my legs and saw that my knees and parts of my left thigh were shredded. The skin was ripped and blood oozed out slowly.

"Jessica, who- Oh my goodness! Bella!"

Jessica's mother came running from the house. Oh god, why did I do this. Her mom was the biggest gossip ever known to existance. Charlie would definitely find out about this. Jessica put my arm around her shoulder and tried her best to hoist me up.

"Ow!" I cried, trying to steady myself. Jessica's mother came to evaluate the situation. She gasped.

"My goodness! Oh, Bella..we need to get you to a hospital."

_No. No, no, no, no, no! This was a bad idea! Why are you so stupid Bella, why?!_

But I couldn't object. It looked pretty bad. I might have even fractured something in my hand which was throbbing from trying to break my fall.

"My bike..." I mumbled. It needed to be moved from the road.

"Don't worry about that now Bell-"

"Please. That's my bike. It should be fine. Can you just..put it away somewhere for me?" I don't know why I cared so much about the thing. I would probably never ride it again after this. It had gotten me in more trouble than anything else. But it's all I had left of Jacob now. He worked so hard on it. We had so much fun with it. It was mine.

"Okay..Okay I'll put it out back, don't worry. But we need to get you to a hospital. Now!" Jessica rang.

She passed me over to her mother who carried me over to the car and opened the back door for me. She put a large old t-shirt she got from the trunk over my wounds to stop the bleeding and got up front. I did my best not to bleed too much on the seats of her car. I felt terrible. I saw from the window Jessica having a hard time lifting the heavy machinery from the road. Once it was out of the way and she was wheeling it to her own back yard. I sighed as if one of the greatest hurtles were overcome and listened to the worried bickering of Jessica's mother backing up from the house and taking me to the hospital. Up until then, I had been pretty dazed about the whole ordeal. It just occurred to me that I was bleeding. A lot. The smell was starting to make me nauseous. I felt Jessica's mother watch me from her rearview mirror.

"Bella, you look pale!" She shrieked.

"Could you wind down the windows please?" I asked. Immediately she did using a button and I couldn't smell it anymore. Now, if I could close my eyes and try to forget about the blood I would be fine.

_I will not vomit in her car. I will not vomit in her car. _

"Please..." I started. "Don't tell Charlie. It was stupid of me to ride it again. But I really don't need for him to know..I'll be fine."

I could almost hear the woman contemplating in her own mind. It made me angry.

_Just give me your word and be done with it._

"Alright. But only if you aren't that bad. Just pray something isn't broken" She sounded like she was scolding me. I watched the sky from the window. It was becoming grey extremely quickly. Forks weather, for you. The sun was soon hidden by clouds. My mood suddenly felt the same.

Upon reaching the hospital, Jess' mom jumped out of the drivers seat and came around to help me out.

"Come on, Bella, honey. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.." I said wearily. Lying.

"Bella?" A deep voice of concern rang. I thought it was Edward, but the tone of voice was different.

"Dr. Cullen?" He approached the car quickly and helped Jessica's mom lift me out of the car. I whimpered in pain as I tried to stand straight. Immediately, my feet left the ground and I was secure in Carlisle's arms.

"Mrs. Stanley, I'll take it from here. Thank you so much for your help, not to mention keeping it quiet." Dr. Cullen smiled at the redheaded woman. Flashing his white, perfect teeth. She seemed dazed. It amazed me. did just a good job of 'dazzling' as Edward. I wonder, did he teach Edward how? The thought almost made me laugh.

"No problem at all.." She said with a look of wonder in her eyes. At this time, Mr. Cullen turned around, still holding me securely in his arms. He walked to the ER building and stepped through the sliding doors. He walked past the office with me.

"Back already, Mr Cullen?" A young nurse giggled flirtatiously as if he wasn't carrying a wounded girl in his arms. Carlisle took no notice of her tone and smiled.

"I found a patient waiting outside. Pull up a file for me please, Susan. Swan, Isabella."And without another word, he kept on walking.

"Oh..you were on your way home. I'm sorry. It's okay, just put me down. Another doctor can look after me."

"Don't be ridiculous Bella." Carlisle said with a smile that made me shiver. He was good. Almost as good as Edward. "And just relax, everything will be fine."

I supposed he could hear my heart beating quickly. I felt like an idiot. This day had already taken so much out of me. We reached an empty room where he put me on a paper covered bed with perfect ease. Carlisle made his way to a sink at the end of the small room and rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands. He even did this in a professional manner. Using swift movements and not hiding his abilities from me to get the job done faster. He wiped his hands clean. A small knock came at the door and a small head poked through.

"Here's the file, Dr. Cullen." She said in a high voice that annoyed me. But I couldn't blame her. The man was deathly handsome. Charlie had mentioned something about nurses being distracted from their work. Carlisle retrieved the file from the girl.

"Thank you Sue." He smiled gratefully and turned around. I could see the blood rise to her face before she closed the door. It probably happened when he called her "Sue" instead of "Susan" I knew how these things worked. I fell victim to a Cullen man too. Carlisle wasn't dressed in his doctor attire now. He wore a black button down and blue jeans. His hair was slicked back from his fingers running through them at some point. A realization dawned on me. He wore this last night. He hadn't been home since. The thought made me sad and my admiration for him grow. He was so dedicated to his job.

"Okay Bella, what's the story this time?.." He smiled suavely and walked in front of me.

"I was riding my motorcycle and wiped out."

"Motorcycle? Well...you _are_ full of surprises.." He picked up my file and scrawled in it quickly before turning to me again.

"Looks pretty painful.." He said slowly. He reached forward to touch my knee. I jumped because of the cold. It was silly. I was used to that by now. I just didn't expect him to touch me so quickly.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt-"

"No..just startled me. My fault" He smirked a comforting smirk and then went back to work. He examined the wounds I had on my legs ever so carefully. At times only looking at my leg and taking a deep breath. I hope I wasn't bothering him. But he was used to blood. He had been working as a doctor for hundreds of years.

"I hope you don't mind..." He spoke.

He stared at my legs pensively before reaching forward and ripping the left leg of my jeans from the knee up higher to the thigh. I gasped at the suddenness of it but stayed as still as I possibly could. I didn't mind. These jeans were stained now anyway. He ripped the material away until it looked like half my pants were shorts. He rolled up the leg of my right pant leg over the large scrape on my knee. My left leg was very obviously more damaged than my right. Which wasn't fair, in my opinion. I had already broken that leg only last summer because of my little accident in Phoenix with James. Carlisle said what I was thinking.

"This poor leg..." He whispered with a small smile on his face. I couldn't help but do the same.

His fingers moved up and down the length of my leg. Suddenly the stinging of the scrapes were numbed away and all I could fell were the burning chills that his fingers left along my skin. His finger circled the cut across my right leg. My skin tingled. The pain alleviated. His right hand moved against my left leg. Slowly. All the way up to the thigh. My face was red and burning. I stopped breathing. I was dizzy. I felt his eyes on me. The same piercing sensation I felt in the girls change room two days ago. At the dinner table last night. I looked up at him. Stared into his golden eyes that looked so much like Edward's and got lost in them. His fingers didn't stop moving, and I noticed that above all. Up my thigh they grazed and rested. I remembered a similar feeling. Edward doing the same thing while I sat on their piano. Driving me insane and then stopping.

"Dr. Cullen..." I whispered almost inaudibly. He blinked at me. Unspeaking. Beautiful. Ancient.

"Carlisle." He corrected.

He bent himself lower to be more level with my legs. My heart pounded. My head swam. Why was time ticking by so slowly? I stared at the back wall. Trying to bring myself back to reality. Trying to make some sense of why Carlisle's hands were leaving my thighs and moving to my hips. I closed my eyes, bit my lip and prayed to be awakened from this dream that made no sense. A shock ran through me. I gasped. My eyes flew open. Carlisle's lips were grazing over the wounds on my leg. There was no sting of venom. I was safe, but still so confused. My body almost went limp as he began lapping up the blood running down my leg with his tongue. He used his mouth fearlessly when he was away from the wound. But when he had consumed all the blood that ran down my legs he began to kiss around the wound sweetly and pecking at my thighs again. My arms that were perched behind me to hold me up weren't doing such a good job anymore. A moan escaped my lips unwillingly and my head slowly rolled back at the feeling of his soft lips against my legs. His hands on my hips. I felt those eyes stare at me again. I lifted my head and looked down to see him staring at me as his lips pressed against my flesh. It was disconcerting. Surprising. Erotic. Scary. Exciting. Wrong. But my heart wouldn't stop pounding. It went on like this forever. I panted and sighed at his simple acts until I saw my actions from the outside. I was Edward's girlfriend. This was his maker. His _father. _

"Stop...stop.." I sighed. He didn't. I was breathless. I sucked as much air I could into my lungs

"Stop." I rang. He ceased.

Slowly he stood and turned his back to me. My head still swam. My legs were trembling. My face was flushed as ever. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the strength to jump down to leave or stay and talk this out and ask questions. As I exhaled, another groan left my lips. I felt terrible. I raised the back of my hand to cover my lips before I could embarrass myself further.

"I-I'm sorry Bella." I didn't say anything. "You must think I'm a monster. What kind of father does that to his son's girlfriend.." He paused, still looking away from me. "I don't know what I was thinking..I don't know what I was doing.." He hissed. His face looked angry. Disappointed in himself. I could almost imagine his face reddening to the extent mine was. "And Esme."

"You didn't mean it.." I said timidly when my voice returned. "You love Esme. I know that. Just as much as I love Edward. It's not your fault. My blood tends to do crazy things to vampires."

"Yes.." He said. "It does.." There was silence for a while. He walked about the room in the same shamed demeanor while gathering the things he needed to dress my wounds. I tried my best not to look directly at him. When he came back to me he put some antiseptic on a hunk of cotton and spread it over the wounded area of my legs. Cleaning off the blood at the same time. It began to sting.

I winced a little, but it didn't escape Carlisle's notice.

"I'm sorry." He said almost inaudibly.

"It's okay..."

He covered the cuts on my legs with gauze and tape. I noticed as he did this, he tried to use as little surface area of his hands as possible. I really wished he wouldn't. It made things even more awkward.

"Your hand?.." He reached his own out to me to put my own in.

"I-" I didn't know what to say. I looked at him as he waited.

"I'm going to need to see it. I'm sorry..."

"No, it's okay." Quickly I slipped my hand into his. My hand was smaller than his. His fingers were long, pale and cold. They were nice hands. If hands could be considered attractive at all, his definitely would be. He squeezed down gently on my wrist. I winced again and almost pulled my hand back.

"Sorry." He said again. He felt my fingers delicately one by one. "Nothing's broken. Your hand is sprained though. I'll wrap it up. It should be fine in seven days." I groaned in disappointment.

"I assure you, it will take no longer.." He comforted with a light voice.

"I know. I just wanted to get by Charlie's notice. Edward is a lost cause as it is." Carlisle smiled a little and immediately began weaving a white bandage around my hand and wrist in a way that made the pain disappear almost instantly.

"This should be nothing to Edward and Charlie now..." He said with an amused tone. Well, at least someone didn't treat me like a porcelain doll. "There. Done." He said.

"Thank you." I examined my hand and then brought it closer to me. "Very much." Carlisle's upbeat attitude that was just returning faded from his face again.

"You owe me no thanks Bella. I behaved...very uncouthly this afternoon. And I do hope you'll forgive me. And that Edward does as well."

"Don't worry about it. He doesn't need to know. Simple accident.." I said with a cheery voice. Really, I was just trying to convince myself. Carlisle looked as if he knew this because he still refused to look at me.

"Come then..I'll drive you home." He said with a morose look in his eyes. I nodded. He helped me down from the bed and we walked from the room and out the front of the ER together. We went to the doctor's parking lot and strode up to his black mustang. He opened the door for me before running around to the other side and seating himself into the car. The scent of him filled my senses in the confined space. It smelled good. Musty. Deep and sensual. I liked it. It was calming. I didn't notice it as much when he treated me at the hospital when I broke something. Or when he gave me fatherly hugs when Edward and I turned out to be okay after doing something stupid. Unlike Edward, Carlisle only went a few miles over the speed limit. In no time Carlisle was pulled up in front of my house. I looked over to him. He was staring at his hand that was still on the steering wheel.

"Are you alright to get out on your own?"

"Yeah. I should be okay. Thanks again." Carlisle nodded silently. Not moving the rest of his body an inch. Slowly I opened the door and stepped out on the curb with caution.

"Bella." His voice rang. It gave me shivers.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen?" I turned around to look into his eyes. They were dark. I took a deep breath in thanks that his eyes weren't red from the intake of my blood. The few drops he lapped up wasn't enough.

"Please, call me Carlisle." He paused. I could never seem to remember to call him by his first name. The fact that he needed to remind me once again brought the blood to my cheeks. "Once again, I am very sorry for my behavior. There's no excu-"

"There is nothing to be sorry for." I assured him. I instinctively put my hand over his, as I always did when I comforted Edward. I had to keep reminding myself that he _wasn't_ Edward. A shock spread quickly through my fingers and through the rest of my body. It made my breath hitch and my hand pull back quickly and instinctively.

"Take care of yourself, Bella" Carlisle said with what seemed like it took effort. His last sentence was final. My cue to get lost. I stepped out of the car and walked carefully to the front door to let myself in. I listened for the screech of tires as he sped away but I heard nothing. He could have been gone. Drove away at a normal speed unlike his son, but I had an inkling. I peeked out the window of the door and saw that the black car was still parked outside. I must have stared at the car for five seconds but it felt like forever. The car just sat there with Carlisle inside before speeding away noisily. After the car was gone I moved from the door. My heart was pounding. What was happening? I shook the confusion from my head and made my way upstairs. I showered and did some homework before crashing in my bed at around 10. I was too tired to wait for Edward. My eyes wouldn't stay open. During the night, I was roused a little by the feeling of cold lips on my cheek. I smiled. Half asleep.

"Edward..."

"Shh...go back to sleep." He mused in his wonderful voice. "Wh- Do you smell blood?" He began. What a funny thing to ask your mortal girlfriend. Even if she could smell it. "What the hell happened to your hand?" He whispered in a harsh, concerned tone."

"I- I fell..and skidded.." I mumbled. I wasn't explaining myself clearly, and I obviously wasn't getting my point across fast enough.

"Forget it. I'll deal with you in the morning. Go back to sleep."

"'Kay" I mumbled before slowly slipping back into dreamland.

"I can't leave you can I? Not for a damn minute without you mutilating yourself..." He mumbled. Clearly worried and annoyed. Though I was almost back asleep, I took in everything he said.

He probably continued to mumble nonsense to himself about me before I got too tired to pay any attention at all. Sleep was good.


	4. Chapter 4

**4. BATS**

I mumbled lightly and flipped over on my stomach. The rain pattered on my window and the wind could be heard trying to burst its way into my old but sturdy house. I mumbled something unintelligible and slept for a few minutes longer before I felt eyes on me. The occurrences that had taken place yesterday made one of my eyes pop open. But it was only Edward sat childishly on my floor cross legged. Just looking at me with his newly golden eyes. They looked so bright and beautiful, I couldn't help but smile.

"Good morning.." I said. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up slowly in bed. Edward chuckled a little.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Depends. Why are you laughing and what did you hear?" He laughed. My hands went up to my head and found that my hair was in a disarray. "Beautiful." I spat with sarcasm. I finger-combed my hair in a futile attempt to make myself look half decent in front of my boyfriend.

"Indeed. Quite beautiful.." He smiled warmly at me before gently catching the hand I used to comb my hair into his own. Very gently he took hold of it.

"Now tell me, what happened?" His eyes drilled me so I looked away. Anywhere but at him. The comforter. Yes. The material that covered me on my bed was so intricate. Yes, it seemed like the average, white, cotton comforter..but if you looked very, very closely-

"Bella come on, I cant read your mind.." Edward snapped. His face hadn't lost composure but he was eager for an answer. My face got red. I could feel it creeping on. I didn't want to talk about this. He made me feel like such a child sometimes. Oh, I was gonna get it.

"I was on my way to Jessica's. And I fell. And I hurt myself. But it's okay. Jessica's mom took me to the hospital and Carlisle took care of it" I kicked myself inwardly. Why did I bring up Carlisle? Did Edward read his mind at all last night before he came to me? Didn't he know about what happened? Edward rose his eyebrow at me and gave me a pensive look.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" My heart began to thud. I could almost hear it in my head. He knew. He knew. But what was there to know? I didn't do anything. And Carlisle didn't do anything...much. He had no control. It wasn't my fault. Or Carlisle's. It was my blood. Edward of all people could understand that.

"By what means did you arrive at Jessica's house?" He said in a way that made him seem more like a lawyer than a 17 year old man. I fidgeted in my bed and took a deep breath of relief. As long as he didn't find out about yesterday in the doctor's office, I didn't care if he found out about the motorcycle. What was this? If nothing happened then why was I hiding?

"I might have taken the bike out for a little spin.." I said. Giving in to his interrogation. I felt more comfortable and wiped my sweaty palms off on the comforter I was so intently examining moments before.

"Bella!" He hissed. He wasn't whispering very much. By the look of the clock, Charlie had already gone to work for the day. "How could you do something so st-"

"Stupid, I know!" I pouted.

"What in God's name would tempt you to go out, get the bike that your father locked up to keep you away from..and ride it without anyone's supervision!"

"I was bored..."

"She was bored..." He mumbled to himself. He let go of my sprained hand and stared at the ceiling. "No self preservation. Absolutely none." He turned his attention back to me. "Have you lost your mind?" He looked at me with such care. God I loved this man.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked meekly. He took my hand back into his own and gently kissed it. He sighed emphatically and stared me in the eye. I stared at him. Kneeling on the floor at my bedside. How did I ever get so lucky?

"No. I could never be mad at you. It's just, I always said I couldn't leave you alone for a second. But I didn't know that I was so...literal in saying so. Can't you keep yourself out of trouble for a day?" He smiled sweetly at me. It made my heart skip a beat.

"Hey. Whatever keeps you around and in business." I smiled and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He moved himself closer to me and gave me a kiss that made my head flutter.

"So, what are we up to today?" I asked brightly. Edward lifted himself from the floor and onto my bed. I shifted myself into his lap where he cradled me. I rested my head against his chest and waited to tell me what was on our agenda for this rainy, Sunday afternoon.

"Well..Charlie's at work...And when the cat is away..."

"The mice come out to play?" I giggled playfully at the suggestion and nipped at his earlobe. Edward laughed a deep laugh that made my own smile grow.

"The mice go watch other mice being eaten by Royal Pythons. Which are most commonly found in West Africa." I shifted my body away from Edward as much as I could without losing my place on his lap.

"What?" I asked him. Looking at him intently. Edward laughed again. He seemed to be in high spirits today. He was well fed. This was ideal weather for him. I rejoiced with him.

"Well I wanted to do something different with you today. I thought the zoo would be nice. I haven't been to one in a long while." I smiled at him. That was an awesome idea. I loved seeing the giraffes and the hippos. They were such strange creatures.

"Wow. How long is 'a long while' to you exactly? Two...20 years?" I teased. He smiled and stuck his fingers into my hair. Messing it up further. He kissed me deeply for a long time before breathing into my lips. Whispering;

"Go get dressed. I'll wait downstairs." Without another word, Edward moved me gently off of his lap and slipped out my door.

This was exciting. I hadn't been to the zoo for a long time either. For me it must have been at least nine years. I lay out the clothes I was going to wear. A green t-shirt with a white long-sleeved shirt underneath and dark blue jeans. I didn't need to do anything fancy for this date. My ensemble would be covered with a waterproof raincoat anyways. I grabbed my silk robe and my bathroom bag before going to the bathroom and setting the hot shower. I washed my hair and body quickly but thoroughly before toweling myself off and putting on my robe. I rubbed the condensation off of the bathroom mirror and picked up the brush to run through my hair. I made it to my room where I disrobed and dressed with haste, so not to keep my boyfriend waiting. After putting my hair in a ponytail, grabbing the camera that was last year's birthday present, and stumbling down the stairs, I saw a bowl that already had cereal inside. The milk pitcher sat on the table waiting for me to pour it for myself. There was also a small vase holding a single rose as a centerpiece. I smiled uncontrollably and looked to Edward.

"This is great..." I beamed. The century-old vampire pulled out the chair for me and beckoned for me to sit. After I did, he poured the milk for me.

"Thank you" I smiled. "Good job with breakfast." I chomped on the Cinnamon Toast Crunch happily.

"You humor me. I would have made something else, but you desperately need to go grocery shopping. Did you know you guys only have fish in your fridge?" I couldn't restrain a good chuckle.

"Yeah..that's my fault. It's my job to go shopping every week. I just haven't gotten around to it yet, what with my accident and all" I looked down at my cereal embarrassed. Edward didn't speak of the bike again, thankfully. "Good thing Charlie's a good provider. Hence the fish."

For the rest of breakfast, we spoke about the recipes that Edward tried making from the Food Network. It was the tale of his endeavors in making marinated veal that sent milk from my nose.

Wasting no more time than necessary, Edward and I got into the silver Volvo and made our way into Port Angeles. It was by far my favorite city now. And the Italia Ristorante was my favorite place to dine. Solely because it was where Edward and I had our first 'in depth' talk with each other. But I couldn't decide what our official 'first date' really was. The restaurant or the meadow?

After parking in the lot, the two of us made our way to the grand entrance. Plush animal booths, food courts, and small animal rides greeted us. Happy children walked around all over the place holding their parents hands. Laughing. And some crying as their parents refused to buy them an overpriced stuffed rhino.

"They're so cute..." I smiled. "And so small."

"Oh, give em about ten years and see what happens." Edward joked. I laughed in bewilderment. How could he be so cynical?

"Nice to know how you feel about kids!" I jested before smiling at him.

"I'm kidding. Yeah, some of them are pretty cute." Edward clung onto my hand as we made our way past the entryway and followed the large paw-prints on the pavement to the first exhibit. I was guessing they were monkey prints. I wasn't sure why. And monkeys usually came first from what I noticed. Suddenly, a whole bombard of children rushed from the exhibit we were heading for. They had joy in their faces. Their eyes were bright. A little boy with blonde hair and glasses couldn't dart himself away in time before he bumped into me.

"I'm sorry." He said, a little out of breath.

"It's okay." I smiled. But before I could even finish, he was running in the other direction again. Catching up to everyone else. Adorable. I laughed.

"You know..sometimes I wonder.."

"Hmm?" Edward looked as if he were rethinking what he was about to tell me earlier. I stared at him. He _would_ tell me. Had to.

"What it would be like...to have my own. A little son or daughter." I blinked at the man standing next to me.

"Little Edwards? I don't know if the world is ready for that.." I joked a little.

His height overshadowed me by more than a foot. He cracked a smile. Edward wanted kids? That was _huge_ news! I could almost imagine a little auburn haired boy with fair skin and green eyes like his dad's used to be. Sitting on his bed at night and begging Edward to read him a bedtime story. My head lowered considerably. I couldn't give him what he wanted. Even if he were able to reproduce, he would _still _refuse to sleep with me because of my blood. I took all the blame. Edward must have been able to sense my guilt because he spoke up now.

"It was just a thought, anyways. I don't dwell on it too much. And it's not your fault! It's just one of the territories that comes with being a vampire. Still think you want to live forever with me?"

I looked to my consort. Was he crazy?

"Absolutely." I looked at him with seriousness and determination in my eyes. Nothing could change my mind. So we wouldn't have kids. So adoption was out of the question. I didn't need anything but him. His hand left mine and draped around my shoulder instead. My arm went around his waist and that's how we arrived face to face with our first animal. There was more than one. Three. They swung from vines, lay lazily in trees and sat in the grass eating merrily. I moved closer to the bars to read the sign. _The White-Handed Gibbon. _It seemed cute enough. The sign reminded us to stick nothing through the bars except for fruit like bananas, apples and peanuts. Edward looked amused. He saw a banana lying near the cage. It was a little bruised, but fine otherwise. He peeled the yellow skin back and stuck the fruit through one of the bars. The primate grazing in the grass looked over.

"Here monkey, monkey, monkey.." Edward said. It made me laugh. The animal looked at him funny.

"He knows I'm not normal. Animals are really sensitive to these things..." Edward stated matter-of-factly.

The animal slowly rose and moved closer to us. Edward was patient. Quiet. I watched as the monkey sauntered and inched it's way closer. It's eyes intently watching the banana. I held my camera in hand. Not daring to take a picture. It would break the concentration that seemed to be going on, on both Edward, and the monkey's part. At long last, the animal stood before us. Quickly, he snatched up his hand and took a piece of the fruit. Sticking it into his mouth. He chewed it candidly. Never letting his observant eyes leave the vampire. Edward chuckled after the monkey began to grow more comfortable. And take another piece of banana. And another. When the tension was gone, I took a step back and took a picture of Edward and the monkey, seeming to bond. When there was nothing left but the peel, Edward and I clung to each other again and went in search of more animals. Before too long we were at the bat exhibit.

"Oh, your cousins Edward!" I snickered so no one but him could hear. He laughed and pulled on my ponytail gently. There was a tour guide for this exhibit. There was a long dark cave that seemed to go down into the ground that they led you through. The bats fluttered about behind glass. We followed behind a large crowd of people fascinated by the strange, flying mammals. The tour guide's voice sounded so far away, I just ignored her and read the little bits of information that was stuck up onto the artificial stone wall. The tour group moved quickly along. Edward and I strayed behind. It was dark. I wasn't scared but it gave me reason to push myself into him. To smell him and touch his marble skin. Before long, we were alone in the tunnel. Everyone else was so much farther ahead. Suddenly I took gentle hold of his arms and stopped him from his walk.

"Okay, everyone's gone. Do it."

"Do what?" In the dark I could see him raise his eyebrow at me questioningly.

"You know..turn into a bat.." I joked.

"Bella, you're absurd..." Edward laughed.

His smile lit up the whole cave. I tilted my head up farther, indicating what I wanted. The vampire leaned into me and gave me a kiss on the lips. There was something about him. And me. Here in the dark. However public the place may be. However creepy it was that bats were flying about behind Edward. But the feeling of his cold body pressed against mine while he kissed me here was amazing. I think he sensed it too. He pushed me against the stone of the wall gently and continued to kiss me. If anyone came and passed us in the tunnel, we didn't notice. But all was quiet except for the clicking and squeaking sounds of echolocation the bats made. His hands resting on my torso. This was amazing. _He_ was _amazing_. How could I ever get enough of him? Would I _ever_ get used to this? Give me eternal night. Give me marble skin and golden eyes. Give me bats, I didn't care. Just give me my Edward. Mine and mine alone. And then we had to break away to breathe. He didn't let me go. He just looked at me. Standing there against the wall. Completely at his mercy and he probably didn't even know.

"Until the end, Bella..." Edward whispered. "I will love you until the end of the world..and not a second less..Do you believe me?" His eyes pierced me in the most wonderful way. I was turning to mush in his arms again. I could barely open my mouth to speak. I nodded. He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled. His breath touched my face. It was wonderful. His fingers ran through my hair and cupped my face. "I'm yours..." He whispered. "Do you have any idea how much I belong to you? I'm not even me anymore.."

My heart swelled. I couldn't help but let a few tears lose. He was so beautiful. He was _my_ everything. I would die if he left me again. I kissed his forehead and held him close to me. What could I say? What could I say that I hadn't already been said? That he didn't just say?

"Edward..." I gasped. " 'Love'...the word isn't big enough."

"I know.." Be breathed. "I know.."

"But I do...more than anything. You're everything...everything. Forever... Promise me."

"Forever."

After I brought myself to stop sobbing, Edward and I ventured throughout the whole zoo. We rode an elephant together and got one of the animal trainers to take a picture for us. No need to worry about the picture turning out okay. Thank god for digital. I ate takeout food at a park table with an orange and white umbrella over our heads to protect us from the drizzle. I used the LCD screen at the back of the camera to show him all the pictures we had taken today. They turned out great. And every picture with my beloved vampire turned out model-worthy as always. Only after Edward bought me a stuffed hippo did we leave. I was a little tired. I didn't get too much sleep that night and the day had a lot of watching and sight seeing. It was so much fun. I moved as closer to my boyfriend as I could while he drove. He put one arm around me and held me to himself. As we drove home I drifted in and out of sleep like this in his arms.

When we stopped and I opened my eyes I saw that we were at his house. I began to rub the sleep from my eyes and pick up the stuffed hippopotamus that Edward and I agreed to call Harry. Before I could even open my door, Edward was already on the other side, scooping me into his arms and kicking the door shut with the side of his foot. He carried me up to the large white house and opened the door while holding me without any effort. After stepping inside he set me on the floor and removed the coat from my shoulders.

"You're back!" Alice shouted. Her face was usually cheerful but when she stopped in front of us she looked worried. "I was beginning to think I wouldn't have a chance to say goodbye." I panicked.

"Alice, what's going on?"

"Oh..Jasper has been having some trouble...he's relapsing." The pixie-like vampire looked up at both Edward and I.

"Damn it." Edward breathed. His jaw clenched and he looked away from his sister for a bit.

"Did he?" The beautiful man beside me questioned.

"No, but it was close. Emmet grabbed him just in time." There was a couple seconds of silence. I stood there confused. My heart pounding.

"Is Jasper okay?" I breathed. It was amazing how I came to care for everyone in the household. Even Rosalie.

"He's fine. But I need to get him to Alaska as quick as possible. The Succubi will be able to help, I think. We'll be back in a week if we're lucky. About a month, at the most." Edward nodded.

"We've already packed. We should be leaving soon. As in...now." Alice said hurriedly.

It was then that Jasper and Carlisle came down the stairs. Jasper looked down. Ashamed. Looking more pale than usual, which was shocking for my eyes to see. His breathing was raspy and quick. He seemed to be shaking. Edward pulled me out of the way and pushed me behind him. Jasper must have noticed this, and it made me feel even worse. The doctor had his arm around his son figure and was speaking too fast and in a tone too low for me to hear. They stopped at the door. Emmet and Rosalie came following after, carrying one suitcase each. I didn't know when Esme made her appearance, but she was at the doorway with us now, giving Jasper kisses on the top of his head and telling him that everything would be fine. That he wasn't at fault. Edward, Rosalie, Emmet, and Esme took turns hugging Alice and Jasper as they headed out the door. I was only allowed to hug Alice. Edward whispered in my ear to keep my distance from Jasper for now. Esme kissed Carlisle quickly on the lips. He was obviously taking them the distance to Alaska in his car. Would he be staying or coming back? Nobody else seemed to be bidding farewell to him, so my guess would be he was returning. While trying to think all this out, I watched him pick up a suitcase and gently usher Alice and Jasper outside. His eyes lifted and met mine. I felt a shock then. His eternally face was turned to me ever so briefly. Looking more like the statue of a Greek god than a father-figure to five younger vampires. In a second, the glance was gone. Edward rubbed my arms.

"Cold?"

"Yeah...just a little." I whispered. He moved away from the door and into the sitting room. Edward left my side and sat on a footrest near a tall shelf of books.

"This is bad..." Edward whispered. His hands were together and they were placed thoughtfully against his lips.

"At least he didn't bite anyone..." I whispered, thinking I finally figured everything out.

"Yeah. But what if? Forks is the ideal place to live. I haven't been more comfortable anywhere else but my hometown in Chicago...and even then..I can't go out every day back there." He sighed.

"Damn it..if we have to leave Forks..." I felt a shiver run through me then that was unbearable.

_Leave Forks? Leave? No! I won't let you. I won't_

My mind screamed. I bit my lip and looked at my boyfriend who was thinking silently before looking to me. He must have seen the distress on my face, because he looked at me then and frowned.

"I'm not leaving you again. I refuse..." After he said that, I could breathe again.

"I'll follow you anywhere..." I replied.

"I know." He nodded. "That's why you're so amazing." He grinned and reached out to me. I walked forward and allowed him to take my hand in his. I kneeled before him.

"What can I do...to prove my love to you?" He smiled. His brilliant teeth flashed and I could do nothing but lean my head to the side and push my hair away in response. Revealing my neck to him and hoping he would take my request seriously, though I was smiling.

"Don't push it..." He warned before lowering his face and kissing my neck.

**Please R&R lol**


	5. Chapter 5

**5. FROSTBITE**

Two weeks must have passed since that day. Jasper was getting better but it still wasn't safe for him to come home. The Cullens and I kept in close contact with Alice and Jasper to make sure things were going well and to let them know that they were missed.

"Where is he now?" I asked Alice over the phone one day.

"Out hunting. We're trying to have him feed as much as possible. We think that may have been part of the problem."

"Alice, what happened that day, exactly?" I whispered. I crossed my legs on my bed and waited for her to reply.

"We went to the mall. Rosalie, Emmet, Jazz and I. You and Edward were out on your date at the zoo, so we decided to go out and have some fun too."

"Shopping..." I grinned. That was Alice's idea of fun and everyone knew it.

"Yeah.." She chuckled lightly. "Well, Emmet and Jasper thought me and Rosalie were taking too long so they went off to the guys section. Everything seemed to be fine. And then I saw him."

"Like a vision, or-"

"Yeah. In my head. I saw him seducing a woman to leave the department with him. And they snuck into a storage room..."

"Oh my God."

"It was pretty awful Bella. Blood everywhere. He was crazy. So I ran."

"And you stopped him." I reminded her. No need to get her depressed over something that never came to pass.

"Thanks to Emmet. If he hadn't been there...it would have been bad. And people would have found out, Bells. Could you imagine?"

"I don't even want to think about it. You guys having to leave...again."

"There would have been no coming back home this time.." She whispered. The thought scared me. I loved Alice and Jasper dearly.

"But he's getting better now, right?"

"Yeah. I think we should be home by the end of the month."

"That's so long! Hurry home. You and Jasper are missing all the snowball fights over here!" I looked out the window and frowned. Little fluffy flakes were falling from the sky. If I didn't enjoy the weather, someone should.

"I'll tell Jazz you called. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yep. Bye." I pressed a button on the cordless phone and let it fall on my bed. It was only 6 at night and the sky outside was dark with clouds. I wasn't expecting Edward for another couple of hours so I pulled myself off of the mattress and over to my computer table. The Windows 95 started up slowly and emitted a few strange noises before allowing me to log in. I opened hotmail right away and answered the newest of my mom's five emails.

_Hi Bella, honey! Oh my gosh I miss you so much! How's your leg feeling? I know you got your cast taken off a while ago, but if it's sore you should go see your handsome doctor about it. Speaking of which, how are you and his son? I haven't had a chance to talk to Charlie about it much but he doesn't seem to like the idea. Be careful Bella. And try not to run off anywhere with him for a while. The weather here is beautiful! You should ask Charlie if you can come and stay the summer here in Jacksonville. Phil says hi. We love you! _

_- Mom_

_Hi Mom. My leg is fine. Dr. Cullen is a good doctor. He wouldn't let me walk around with my leg half healed. Even if it weren't healed, there is no way you could pay me to put that thing back on. Edward and I are fine, Mom. Don't worry about it. Dad will get over it. He and I are so much better now. Things are going great. He's helping me out in trig and I'm finally pulling my marks up. My average is great. I'm starting to apply to a few colleges and universities. Edward's helping out with that a lot too. And don't worry, I plan on staying in Forks..for now. A nice visit to Jacksonville would be great. I'll ask if Edward wants to come too, if that's alright. Talk to you later. Love you._

_- Bella_

I rolled my eyes. Mom cared _way _too much sometimes. Boredom. Drone. I opened my MSN messenger window and logged in. I never used this thing much. I was always out doing something or using the phone to communicate otherwise. Immediately, I was instant messaged by Mike.

_Mike:_ Hey, Bella

_Bells:_ Mike. How are you?

_Mike_: Great. What are you doing this Friday?

_Bells:_ I'm not sure...What's up?

_Mike:_ I was just wondering if you wanted to spend the weekend with me and a few friends up at my cabin in La Push. The parents are vacationing. It should be fun.

_Bells:_ I don't think that's such a good idea.

_Mike:_ Come on. Jess will be there. It should be the best party of the year.

"God, I can't stand that kid." I jumped and nearly fell from my chair. Edward laughed and wrapped his arms around me. He was freezing. Colder than usual and he was dripping water and snow on me. I tried futilely to push him away.

"Edward! I squealed. He shook his hair onto me, sending even more drops of moisture beading off of his perfect hair and onto my face and arms. "Stop!" He released me at long last and fell back on my bed laughing and holding his stomach.

"Bella.." He gasped. "You amuse me more and more every day."

"I'm sure I do.." I muttered as I wiped the cold wetness off myself.

"Come on. We're missing it!" Edward was excited. He was moving quickly about my room. He went to my closet and pulled out my parka and reached his hand to the shelf to get a pair of red mitts and a matching beanie. He hurriedly dressed me in these articles of clothing. First putting on my coat, then mitts and sliding my hat on so quickly, it covered my eyes.

"Wh-What's going on?!"

"You'll see!"

"But Charlie-"

"Is so indulged in the football game downstairs, he won't even notice." The time he took to go get my boots from the closet, I used to unveil my eyes and try to catch my breath. Suddenly, I was sitting on my bed and Edward was on the floor putting the shoes on my feet and lacing them up nimbly with his perfect fingers.

"Okay, let's go!" He whispered. At once, he gently flung me onto his back, slid open the window and jumped out. He ran down the street with super speed to where he parked his car. Obviously thinking that if he parked too close to the house, he would be spotted. From there we drove to his large house. Surprisingly, Edward let me get out of the car by myself.

"Come to the back!" He yelled with mirth in his voice. And then he was gone. I was standing by the Volvo by myself. This was strange. Very strange. What was going on? Slowly I made my way up the steps to the grand house, but instead of using the front entrance, I walked to the side of the house and around to the back. It was dark. And cold. I was already miserable.

"Edward?" I called. I kept walking to the backyard. All I saw were a lot of footprints. Trees off to the far distance. Snow. Lots and lots of snow. I yelped aloud. Something cold and wet hit me in the stomach and manic laughter broke out. I didn't see anyone for a while. But when my weak eyes adjusted, I looked far off into the forest and saw Emmet's burly form poking out from behind a tree.

"Guys!" I yelled. More laughter.

"This isn't funny, you guys.." I turned on tail and began to walk away. Suddenly a strong arm went around my waist.

"Where do you think you're going?" Edward chuckled into my ear. He was having way too much fun with this.

" _I _am going somewhere warm and dry. When you guys finish your little game, come find me."

"Oh, this one isn't going anywhere!" The ground disappeared from beneath me.

"Emmet! Put me down!"

"Bella Swan, you are _going _to have _fun!" _He yelled to me. Then I felt something cold and wet hit my rear end. I heard the giggle of Rosalie roar from behind me.

"Rosalie!" I shouted in surprise more than anger. That was cheap. But _she _was snowball fighting too?

"Emmet, darling, put Bella down.. The poor girl didn't know what she was getting herself into when she left with Edward." More laughter at my expense. Esme and Carlisle revealed themselves now. Everyone was all smiles. I looked at Esme. Beautiful as ever with her heart-shaped face and her shapely lips smiling at us. Carlisle looked quite content as well. He was wearing a long dark coat that reached his knees, which had clumps of snow stuck to it in various places. He obviously was involved in the games that were taking place in the Cullen backyard. His blonde hair shimmered in the moonlight provided for us. Bits of snowflakes clung to it. Unmelting. He must have sensed my eyes watching over him because suddenly he looked back at me. His smile gone. It felt like forever that his eyes battled with mine. I was relentless. I didn't look away. Why didn't I? Why didn't anyone notice and stop us? They were all lost in their own chatter. Battle. Battle.

_Look away, Bella. Look away. _

He didn't blink. Not once. I drank him in. Memorizing exactly how he looked at that moment from head to toe. Perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect nose, perfect lips. Pale skin, Strong arms. Then I looked at his left hand. Holding onto the right hand of his beautiful wife. A wedding band on his finger. And then he gave up. He cleared his throat and Edward wrapped his loving arms around me. Sending warm ripples of love trickling through my body. _This_ was my boyfriend. He was the _only _man who could do that to me.

"Lets get this show on the road before the snow melts please!" Emmet yelled. At once, the big vampire was out of sight and snowballs thrown by invisible people flew about. Somehow, the majority hit me.

"Emmet! No singling out the mortal!" I yelled. Edward was gracious and allowed his body to shield my own from time to time. The other half of the time, I had to fend for myself. Edward insisted on this because he said there would be no point otherwise. I managed to hit Rosalie and Edward a couple of times. Wether they were pity shots, and they let me hit them. Not sure. Probably. Emmet, however would spare me no such mercy and spent the night dodging more of his snowballs than anyone else's. I hid behind a tree with a snowball I had made perfectly round. Watching him. Laughing as he was taunting Rosalie and Esme. I had him exactly where I wanted him. His back towards me. He moved so swiftly. Like water. It was enchanting to watch him. And he was mine. All mine. When would I ever get used to this? I held my breath and prepared my stance. Counting down in my head when I was sure I had him.

_Ready...Set...Now! _

I leaped out from my hiding place, jumped on his back and slapped the cold, white ball directly on his perfect head.

"Gotcha!" I yelled. He gently fought me off of his back and tackled me to the ground. He tickled me until I couldn't breathe and picked up handfulls of snow, pretending to try and burry me. My face was red from the cold and laughing so hard. When the laughter died down and the tearing in my eyes slipped away I got a closer look at the man leaning over me. Carlisle. His own laughter seemed to fade as mine did. I clung to his shoulders in amazement. Laying in the snow as he peered over me.

_I could have sworn he was Edward. It's too dark out here. Why won't he stop looking at me? Why can't I move? It's like he's trying to drill into me with his e-eyes..._

My heart did a stutter. How long had we been lying like this? Slow motion. Did the world always move in slow motion like this? Then I heard a snowball collide with Carlisle's back. Esme's teasing giggle echoed off of the air. Dr. Cullen took this time to lift himself off of me and break out into a chase after his wife. Then I heard wonderful laughter.

"What are you doing down there?" A long, pale hand reached out to me. I took it and allowed him to help me up.

"Oh Edward, my hero." I said with a bland tone. I looked him up and down. He looked stunning in the moonlight.

"I'm going to say you probably came in last place for the snowball challenge" He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I concur. Without a doubt.." I brushed myself off and then looked back at him.

"You're still the most beautiful creature here.." He smiled. His lips moving closer to mine.

"Liar..." I whispered. Dying for him to kiss me. Then a snowball hit Edward in the face, sending the remains of snow spattering on my face.

"Stop sucking face!" I heard Emmet's loud voice call. Edward and I laughed. I heard his sexy growl build in his chest before he broke off in a run after his brother. I laughed and made it my duty to watch Edward pulverize him before going inside the grand house to get warm

"Bella! Where are you going?!" Esme yelled after me.

"To get warm! See..I'm human..and there's this thing called hypothermia!" Esme laughed. Adorable as always. Who could help but love this woman?

"Alright, go on then! But hurry back!" And then she joined the rest of the family. They were crazy when there was snow on the ground. It would have been so much worse if Alice and Jasper were here. I missed them terribly. Stumbling a little on the way back to the house, I opened the back door and made my way inside the bright building. I removed my shoes immediately so I wouldn't leave wet prints all over the place. I made my way through a couple of rooms before I came to the staircase that led upstairs. I walked down the quaint, carpeted hallway and passed three rooms before turning right into a large, extravagant bathroom. This house was huge. But I had been inside enough and spent so much time here with Edward, I knew and remembered where everything was. I turned on the light and it shone brightly. There were light fixtures on the wall for dimmer lights that didn't hurt my eyes like this one did when I still turned it on. The bathroom was bigger than my room. There was a porcelain vanity tub off to the side. The walls were deep, warm colors that were cozy and made me feel like my temperature was rising already. There was also a shower made completely out of glass a little farther away from the tub. It was a large cubicle that you could see inside. Any privacy you had in that thing probably depended on how much condensation built up in the bathroom. I would have killed for a nice warm bath right then but refrained. They were expecting me back outside soon. I removed my hat and mitts and put them on the side of the vanity sink against the wall. I looked at my reflection in a large mirror. My hair was a mess. My face was red and cold. I sighed.

"What a mess.."

I mumbled. Looked down to find the zipper of my coat to pull it down. I let the coat fall to the floor and looked back up in the mirror. I would have screamed if my voice had let me. I could only suck in a breath so deep, it nearly choked me.

"Carlisle!" I breathed. My eyes wide. I couldn't move. His gaze at me through the mirror left me immobile. His hands encircled my torso. His body was rock hard. Cold. Strong. Just like Edward's. My heart was pounding so loudly, I could swear my body shook with it.

"You finally remember my name." He grinned. His small English accent almost tickled my ears. His face bent down towards my neck. He breathed me in deeply. As if he were savoring the scent of me. How could he cherish something so wrong? Suddenly I felt faint. I could barely stand up on my own. My eyes began to flutter. I had forgotten to breathe..around Carlisle! Gently, he turned me around and used his index finger to lift my chin.

"Bella?..." He whispered. I used all my strength and effort to make eye contact with him. When I looked at him he drew in a deep breath. He shook his head and ran the back of his hand gently over the side of my face. My cheekbones. My jawline. My chin.

"What the hell am I doing?..." His voice sounded distressed. Torn. Like he knew what he was doing was terribly wrong, but he was only standing outside of himself. Watching himself do the unthinkable.

"Tell me how to stop this- This madness." He breathed. I was lost. Completely submerged in his touch. His words. And my soul was screaming to break away. But I just stood there. He felt so much like Edward. If I closed my eyes. Yes. There. Gorgeous as he was, if I kept my eyes closed, it didn't feel as wrong.

"Such...magics you must have used...to enchant me so, Bella..." His lips were inching closer to mine. I could feel it. The cold breath that tasted absolutely wonderful. His lips parted as they came closer to me. They parted! Edward would never. Edward didn't have the restraint to pull back if he kissed me like that. He would probably end up biting me. But Carlisle. He was a doctor. Practicing for centuries. He had been practicing restraint and abstinence since he was made into a _Cold One _so long ago. He was careful. Gentleness was second nature to him. And that's how he could touch me so freely. And probably kiss me in the same manner like he was about to do. His soft lips were impending. I closed my eyes and waited for the end of everything.

"Break the spell, Bella...Please...I'm begging-" He whispered into my mouth. And then his lips touched mine.

My knees went limp but Carlisle wouldn't let me go. Even so, he was careful with me. Careful as one could be while kissing his adoptive vampire son's mortal girlfriend. Slowly I slipped my arms about the blonde's strong shoulders. He sighed with delight as I gave myself up. I frightened myself. Why did I kiss him back? Why didn't I pull myself away? And I was going to...I was absolutely going to until I felt something cold and wet invade my own mouth slowly and seductively. I was surprised it didn't bring me to my knees. His hands went through my hair as he kissed me. Just like Edward's did. This was all so different, but the same. Carlisle was giving to me what I desperately wanted from my boyfriend. A kiss. One that wasn't too careful. He tasted amazing. Like candy that you only got to taste once and could never find again. He pulled away from me then and looked deep into my eyes. I stared back. He was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Perfect. His face was so young. Eternally young. Angular. Bold. Just like his son's. Well, technically Edward wasn't _really _his son. God, I couldn't stop thinking. I wanted to stop thinking. But then I wanted to stop kissing. Or did I? I shook my head and brought his face back to mine. His lips back to mine and closed my eyes. Yes. If Edward ever decided to kiss me. To touch me. I imagine this is exactly what it would feel like. His lips released mine to let me breathe. He, however didn't need to do so. His lips went to my neck and began kissing and sucking at the skin as if he wanted to taste the salt from it. I gasped for air. Why did this feel so amazing?

I felt it. I saw it. I lived it as I closed my eyes and made myself believe. This was Edward. Edward kissing my neck and my collar bone. Those were Edward's hands sliding under the hem of my shirt. Edward, Edward, Edward. Oh god, I couldn't take this. I panted. It felt like my lungs were failing me. He felt so good. Too good. Goose bumps began to rise over my body as he lifted my purple blouse up a few inches. The shock of the cold against my bare skin made me jump and cling to him even harder. A small chuckle. It sounded quite similar to my boyfriend's. I bit my lip. And then he raised my arms and pulled my blouse off and threw it to the ground. He took in the sight of me. Standing there in my bra and jeans. Looking quite vulnerable. Scared and enthralled. He touched my arms gently with the pads of his fingers, causing my skin to prickle in the loveliest way. I was pressed against the vanity sink. Trembling. Watching him as he watched me. Then I got bold. I extended a shaking hand and unbuttoned his coat. I pushed the heavy, black material from his body and got straight to work on the white and blue pinstriped button down he wore underneath that. His breathing was increasing in pace. I could feel him watching me. I looked back at him, slyly. Really pretending that it was my precious Edward I was undressing. They were so alike, it wasn't hard to do. His chest was smooth and well sculpted. I touched his chest and moved my fingers in a serpentine motion to his stomach.

"You're so beautiful..." He whispered. I felt my face redden immensely. I leaned back against the sink as the godly Carlisle towered over me. He crushed my body to his and kissed me again. I was in heaven. Bliss. But my brain was fighting with me.

'_I can't believe he's kissing me like this. Oh god, finally. My heart. I can't breathe.'_

'_Bella, this isn't Edward...'_

'_But he feels so much like-'_

'_But he's NOT!' _

'_His skin. His smell. His breath. His lips. His hair. His chest. His eyes...it's almost identical..his sounds. It's so similar! How can I stop? Make me stop.' _

But I couldn't. Even as he began to unclasp the back of my bra I couldn't. I just got so lost in the idea that this was Edward. Finally giving me what I wanted. Slowly, I felt the clothing that covered my breasts slacken. I shivered and dug whatever nails I had into Carlisle's back. He smiled. It wasn't quite Edward's smile but it was close enough. Then he slid it down my arms. Slowly. Slowly. And then it slipped off of my hands and went into his. He stared at me. Taking in my whole body which was now, officially half naked. He moved closer and kissed my chest.

"Beautiful..." He whispered again. He moved downward and kissed in between my breasts, whispering the complimenting word over and over until he reached my bellybutton. Then his tongue went to work again. Licking in a trail up from my belly button. I thought his tongue was going to move in between my breasts again, but he took me by surprise and in a swift moment, my left nipple was between his lips. I thought I would die. A strangled moan left my lips. I shook like a leaf. One of my shaky hands lifted and ran nervously through my hair. Before long, my fingers ripped from my head and clung to him as he moved from one breast to the other. I was throbbing. Absolutely throbbing in the most wonderful ways. I groaned again and held my breath. And then there came a knocking on the door.

"Bella?" I heard Edward call from outside. My heart dropped. My throat closed. Carlisle ripped from me in a second and ran his fingers through his hair. Looking around the bathroom in confusion and fear. I stared at him. Mortified. What the hell were we going to do?

"Bella, you in there?" My boyfriend called from outside again. It took me a long while to find my voice.

"Yeah. I'm here...be out in a second."

"You okay?" He sounded concerned. "I thought I heard-"

"I hit my hand off of the sink." I lied. I never lied to my boyfriend. I loved him. Despite how it might have looked with me standing there in a bathroom half naked with his best friend. I loved him. I always would. That's the only reason I was here with Carlisle. I wanted his body so much...and Carlisle's was here. A perfect substitute. Oh..no. That didn't justify this at all! I was a horrible, horrible girlfriend!

"Ow. Want me to come in there and check your wrist for you?"

"No! No, I'm fine. I've got it. It's not that bad."

"If you're sure." Edward didn't sound convinced. "I'll be downstairs with everyone if you need me. Hey, have you seen Carlisle? He's MIA." I looked to him. He was already redressed but he wore a look of fright in his eyes still. Something was wrong. How did Edward not know he was in here? Time was ticking. My tongue searched for another lie.

"Uh, yeah. He got beeped. Emergency at the hospital. He took off really fast."

"Figures as much. Alright. I'll be waiting downstairs for you, hon"

"O-okay.." I said. I quickly picked up the clothing that Carlisle had stripped from my body and put them back on. My body was still shaking. Carlisle moved forward and touched my cheek with his fingers.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently.

"I'm fine." I pushed his hand away. I was angry, terrified, and on the verge of tears. A couple of drops spilled from my eyes but I forced the rest of them back. I had to play the part if everything were to look normal after I went back downstairs.

"How didn't he know you were in here? Why can't he read your mind?" I hissed. Carlisle took a deep breath in and looked at me. He didn't look any less tense than before.

"After living with a talented vampire like Edward for so long, you learn to block your thoughts sometimes. It's not always fool proof though."

"Oh, trust me, you will not need to do that again because of me!" I was blazing with anger. Regret. What had I done?

"Well, _your _alibi is set. Make it look real. Sneak out and stay away for a good portion of the night unless you have a good excuse to come back." I picked up my coat and other belongings before sauntering to the door.

"And please...stay away from me." Without another word, I opened the door and closed it. The coast was clear. I made my way downstairs and met up with the rest of the Cullens. Trying my hardest to act as if nothing happened. Because that was the truth. Nothing happened.

**Please keep them reviews coming **

**if I get 30 more reviews ill post 2 chapters tomorrow **


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: WARNING! **Very long chapter! I hope noone gets bored. This was by far the hardest chapter I had to write. It's kinda dramatic and it was tough putting in all the thoughts and emphasis that I wanted. It might be a little different than my previous chapters, but every author is allowed one bad chapter, right? Would you believe I've been writing this thing for over eight hours?! I hope it's to your liking and you guys enjoy reading it. I think I'm working a little too fast. I'm not making you guys beg enough haha. You're lucky I'm addicted to writing! Heh..kidding. Once again, **I do not own Twilight or any characters from said book **that has been created by the lovely Stephenie Meyer. **THANK YOU** again..everyone for your support. Happy reading/writing and much love!

**6. WANT**

All the windows of my house were dark when Edward brought me back home. My window slid open quietly as Edward crawled through with me on his back.

"Home sweet home." He whispered as he set me safely on the floor. "Charlie doesn't know a thing. He's passed out on the couch downstairs. He's dreaming about getting the 'Officer of the Year' award...again." I couldn't see Edward in my dark room very well, but I could hear in his voice that he was smiling at the fact that sneaking me out was so easy. In my mind now, it was a terrible idea. I removed my coat and tossed it aside on the floor.

"You okay Bella?" Edward whispered? His hand delicately touched the back of my head and stroked my hair. Was I okay? Was I okay? If only he knew.

"Yes. I'm fine. I just feel a little queasy." I managed to say. I immediately went through my drawers and found a long nightgown to wear to bed. Bed. Sleep. Dreaming. My skin prickled. My face felt hot. I would sleep tonight. Beside Edward. And he would hear everything. My breathing got faster with fear. I felt like I had dug myself the deepest hole imaginable. No, I wasn't stuck in it. Not yet. No. That came later. Right now it was the taunting hand of my conscience that was hanging me over the abyss. Making me anticipate the fall. Edward wasn't convinced. I knew it. I could feel him looking at me with concern in his eyes. He had given me that same look so many times. I didn't dare look back. If I did I would see his beautiful eyes shining out in the darkness of my room. I'd break down and tell him everything. I turned my back to him and faced the wall where my closet was.

He probably wasn't expecting it, but at this time I slowly unbuttoned my blouse and let the fabric slip to the floor. What was the point in hiding myself from _him_ when his own father had very nearly seen everything? I heard his breath hitch in his throat and if fueled me. I wanted to knock him off his high horse now. I wanted Edward to see me. I wanted him to see all of me and never want anyone else to see those parts of me, ever. I wanted him to see me and want me and make me an immortal like him so my body could be his and his alone. So I wouldn't ever stray from him again. My logic was going to be the death of me. It delighted me that Edward was watching. Intently taking in the pale skin of my back. I heard his intake of breath again and it made me shudder. This moment. Right here in my room with Edward standing behind me was so much more passionate than my few moments with Carlisle in the bathroom. That wasn't love. This was. And that's why just being here before him gave me the greatest pleasure imaginable. But I forgot just how gentlemanly he was.

"Bella.." He muttered in a hoarse voice before turning away to give me my privacy. My head lowered in complete embarrassment.

Sadly, I couldn't help but realize that my pathetic excuse for seduction was a crucial variable in my relationship with Edward. If I had done a enough job.. If he had found me beautiful enough like Carlisle did, he wouldn't have kept me mortal for a moment longer. I sighed. My hand reached to my back and unclasped the white, silk bra that Carlisle didn't think twice about removing from my body tonight. I quickly pulled on the nightgown and turned to look at my boyfriend. He was staring out my window at the fluffy bits of snow falling from the sky. I stepped lightly when I approached him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. My face blatantly red. Edward turned to me and smiled dismissively.

"Why do you torture me so, my love? You're making this so much harder for me..." Then he chuckled. "You're becoming quite the seductress..."

_Oh god, please don't say that..._

"I'm sorry..." I whispered again. I lowered my head. Edward cupped my face lovingly. His hand chilled me. I cradled my cheek against it. What would I do if I never got to feel this touch again? Edward laughed again.

"You can't help being as tempting as you are..." He lowered his head and buried himself into my neck. My arms encircled him as he breathed me in gently.

_Tempting, am I? That seems to be the basis of every problem in my life. Is that why Carlisle won't leave me alone? Why I made the biggest mistake of my life tonight? Well guess what Edward? I'm disgusting. That's what I am. You should hate me right now and you don't even know why...and I would tell you..I would... if I weren't afraid of losing you so damn much. I would die. Absolutely die. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe that was the master plan all along. Why Fate is out to kill me. I should be dead so I don't have the privilege of hurting an angel like you. But you keep saving me...What kind of monster am I? _

When Edward released me from his arms he looked at me carefully.

"My god, Bella! How can you change from the most brilliant color of red to this kind of pale?...are you sick?"

"Yes. Very." I muttered.

"That snowball fight might not have been such a good idea. Come on. Bedtime." He lovingly took me by the hand and led me to bed where he pulled back the warm sheets and slid me in before taking his place on the other side and wrapping his arms around me. He stroked my hair from the top of my head to my back.

_I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you..._

I looked to the direction of my window and watched the snow fall. Silent tears trickled from my eyes now that Edward couldn't see. I couldn't do this. I had to tell him. I had to tell him what happened. What Carlisle and I did. I would tell him and beg for his forgiveness.

"E-Edward?"

"Hmm?"

I opened my mouth to speak. I shifted against his cold form and began to pick out every word I would use carefully. Then I thought about Carlisle. And thinking about him lead me to thinking about his gorgeous wife. Esme. I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't tell Edward because if he knew, she would have to know as well...and I couldn't hurt her. She hadn't been anything but a good friend and even a motherly figure to me since I was introduced to her. I sighed. I wanted to just disappear.

"W-will you sing for me?...P-please?" I closed my eyes and listened. At first there was silence. I waited for my melody. The perfect lullaby he wrote just for me. But something else came from his lips.

"_À la claire fontaine  
M'en allant promener  
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle  
__Que je m'y suis baigné _

_Il y a longtemps que je t'aime  
Jamais je ne t'oublierai _

_À la feuille d'un chêne  
Je me suis fait sécher  
À la plus haute branche  
Un rossignol chantait _

_Il y a longtemps que je t'aime  
Jamais je ne t'oublierai" _

I knew this song. I recognized it. My mother used to play it on the piano and sing it for me when I was little. It was a beautiful little French song about a boy who was very sad one day when he went walking. And when he was walking, he came upon a fountain with water so pretty, he had to swim in it. After he had finished swimming, he lay under an oak tree to dry off and suddenly began to cry. He told the oak tree that his love had left him because he couldn't give her a bouquet of roses that she wanted. He told the tree that he missed her so much and that he would love her no matter what. That he wished he could find a bush of roses to pick for her, and that she would come back to him.

"A La Claire Fontaine.." I whispered through my tears. I tried to keep quiet but my silent crying turned to helpless sobs that couldn't be cured by anything but Edward. I turned around onto my other side and faced him. I buried my face into his chest and cried so hard I shook into him. My head hurt. My whole body hurt. I had wronged the only man in the world I could ever love. And here he was..singing so sweetly to me.

"Edward...Edward..."

"Bella, what's wrong?" He tried to pull my face from his chest so he could look at me. I wouldn't let him.

"I love you so much Edward...so much...so much...I love you..I-I"

"Shh...it's okay Bella...go to sleep. Close your eyes." Edward held me close to him and let me cry. I clung to his shirt and sobbed until I couldn't anymore. My head was throbbing with hurt. I closed my eyes.

"Don't leave me..."

"Never."

"Never?"

"Never." Edward pushed my hair from my face. He wiped away every tear on my face and replaced it with a kiss.

"I don't deserve you..." I whispered. He leaned away from me and looked at me with pain in his eyes.

"You deserve more..."

"Stop."

"You deserve someone who can give you the things I can't. Someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can...make love to you without killing you."

"You can..." I whispered. When he took me into the light I was the happiest I could ever be. When splinters of radiant colors reverberated off of his body and shone into my eyes. "You can.." I repeated. Edward stared at me with such anguish. He shook his head and closed his eyes. A look of defeat. "Try.." My heart pounded as he looked up at me. "You drank from me once and you stopped. You saved my life. You aren't about to destroy all that now.."

"Bella...it's so much more different than that."

"I love you Edward."

"And you're everything to me."

"Then try." I whispered. "Just try." He stared at me. He breathed out. I breathed in. I fixed my breathing this way so I take in every ounce of delicious air he emitted from his lips.

Frustration in his eyes appeared and I knew it was a helpless cause. I began to turn over on my side and go to sleep but his strong arms stopped me. He moved over me until legs were straddled on either side of me. He pinned down my shoulders gently and bent down close to my face. His breathing was rapid. His lips enclosed on mine. I couldn't move. He had complete control. If I had any say in how I moved my body now, I would have clutched to him for dear life and never let go of him. His lips never left mine. I felt his fingers reaching lower. Touching my ankle and sliding their way up my leg in an agonizingly slow manner. When he reached my thigh, he grabbed hold of the bottom of my nightgown. For months he had been fighting me. His reasoning against my being immortal never faltered. And after just a little begging for him to try, he was mine. Giving himself to me finally.

"Edward.." I groaned. He stopped kissing me and took in the sight of me. I stared at him. His eyebrows furrowed with thought. He was obviously concentrating very hard. I wanted him to let go. I pushed his body off of mine and lay him down flat on my bed. I lay on top of him and gently stroked his cheek. So perfect. In every way. He looked up at me in bewilderment. Probably wondering how I got so bold. My cheeks blazed. I couldn't believe it myself. But I figured that if I was the one in control, it would be harder for me to get hurt. Edward finished the job he hadn't yet finished and slid my nightgown off of my body.

It was cold, but so wonderful to finally reveal myself to him. His cold hands slid up and down my waist as I sat atop him. I had to look away. This was too much. He wouldn't let my eyes stay off of him for too long a period of time. He turned my face back to his. I smiled. I wasn't going to be the only naked person here for too much longer. I removed his shirt, pants and every other remaining articles of clothing with such incredible haste and swiftness I surprised myself. Once he was bare he and I stared at each other. Taking in the extremities of what we were both about to do. There was no turning back now. I lowered my face to his neck and saw a bit of his skin that was lighter in color than the rest of his complexion. The shape of the scar was half a ring. His bite mark. The place where Carlisle had bitten him so long ago. I rang my tongue over the scar and felt him shudder beneath me. It was incredible how I made him shake. I kissed his broad shoulders. His chest. His stomach. My lips were chilled as if they had been pressed up to a cold window. I moved lower and lower to the spot that he probably anticipated me kissing next.

He began to moan at my teasing. I knew I was being mean but I was having far too much fun with the feeling of him hardening at my touch. I giggled a little as I kissed my way back up to his lips. I heard a growl build up in his chest that made my eyes widen with fear, adoration and an anticipation that made my whole body burn. Before I could open my mouth, he had flipped us over and switched the rolls. Our breathing was in synch now. It was as if our two separate souls were fused together. I didn't care that Edward thought he was soulless. I didn't believe it. He had the most beautiful soul that could ever exist.

It seemed like forever that we were together on my bed. All else was forgotten. He was mine and I was his. At long last. He kissed down the length of my body. He turned me on my stomach and let out a sigh as he gently pushed my hair off my back and kissed the back of my neck. He stroked my back in a way that made me sigh his name and absolutely tremble with anticipation. How long would this go on before he took me? He kissed my entire body before turning me on my back and looking into my eyes. My heart pounded. I gasped for air. This was it.

"Bella..." He moaned as I touched him between his legs.

"Now." I pleaded.

"You have to promise me. If I hurt you at all. If I'm moving too fast you _must_ stop me." I could tell that waiting was killing him just as much as it was me. I nodded, knowing full well that I wouldn't stop him. I had been waiting far too long for this to stop him. Even if it did hurt. If I were to die at all, this would be the way.

And then it happened. I winced in pain. This pain though, was normal. He knew this and kept going after a little bit of encouragement. After we got past the pain there was complete bliss. My body shook beneath him. When I felt a surge of pleasure course through me I would arch my back and sink my nails into his back. He would groan. He would sigh. He would whisper my name. This was heaven. When we reached the apex of it all my body went tense. My lips quivered and I began to moan loudly before he lowered his lips to mine again as he muffled my sounds away and I did the same for his. Then it was over. It was more perfect than I could have ever possibly imagined. He rested his head on my chest and listened to my heart trying to self destruct as he tried to steady his own breathing. He brushed his fingers delicately over my shoulder causing electricity to spill through me again and call his name. I smiled as I looked down at him. His face buried into me. I ran my fingers through his soft hair and lifted his face gently to see mine. His hair was in his eyes and his breathing was so fast. I thought he would gain his composure before me.

"You're amazing.." I whispered.

"I love you..." He whispered. I smiled.

"Kiss me." I brought him closer to me. I stroked his back and brought my lips closer to his. I gently moved the hair from his face and to my shock, saw completely different features staring back at me. Carlisle. Laying atop of me. I felt kisses on my forehead and cheeks.

"No!" My eyes flashed open and I pushed the body that tried to calm me down and hold me to him. My room looked different now. Lighter. But Carlisle was in my bed. No.

"Let Go! What do you want with m-me?" And then I looked into his eyes. Edward's. He hadn't gone away. There were tears in my eyes.

"Bella. Bella. Shh...You're okay now...it was just a dream..." My eyes were wide with fright as I held him to me. Thankful that it was _really_ him and that what I thought really had happened was just a dream. It took a few deep breaths before I felt completely level-headed. I tried to convince myself that being with Carlisle at the Cullen house was a part of that nightmare too, but it would have been too much to ask for.

"I'm okay. I'm okay" I said. I could hear a twinge of nervousness in my voice as I said this so I tried to laugh it off a bit.

"Are you sure? What happened?"

"I- Bad dream..." I said. "I don't remember much of it.." I lied. How could I forget.

"It didn't _sound _bad.." Edward smiled at me. If I had dreamed some other nightmare, his smile would have definitely made me feel better ages ago. My stopped beating. My throat felt dry.

"What?..."

"Sounded like you were having fun...You kept moaning my name." I tried to focus on what happened in my dream before I saw Carlisle's face. That made me smile. Blood rushed to my face. "What? Don't tell me I was that bad..." He frowned.

"The badness came afterwards..It was a different dream entirely." I whispered. I tried running my fingers through my hair but found the locks to be rather tangled. "Bella must look gross..." I laughed.

"Bella looks like her head was sprayed with hair spray while hanging upside down on monkey bars. But never gross..." He laughed and gave me a small peck on the lips. I noticed that his clothes were changed. He wore blue jeans and a khaki colored sweater.

"Get ready for school, babe." He said before rising from my bed and making his way to my door. "I'll go make your cereal."

"Thank you.." I smiled at him before he closed the door behind him. My thoughts went back to the nightmare I woke from. I brought my knees up to my chest and raised my fingers to my temples.

"Pull yourself together Bells."

I made it through breakfast without telling Edward about my dream. I only hinted to the good things that happened. Leaving him content as far as I could tell before going outside and jumping into his Volvo. We made it to school in impeccable timing. Edward, being the protective boyfriend he was, signed up for all the same classes this year as me. No complaints here. It was great being with him every moment I could. Unfortunately not all the classes got the desired results, and I took first period Spanish alone. No dazzling on Edward's part could get Mrs. Cope to switch the timetables in a way that would work.

"Time for Espanola!" I rang. I grabbed my bag from the back before opening my door. I walked around the front of the parked car and met Edward. Sliding my hand into his hand that was already open and waiting to be taken by mine.

"Be careful..." He reminded me for the thousandth time.

"Oh, because we know how dangerous those Spanish vowels can be!" I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"I'm serious!" He said as he walked me to my locker. "Words can't describe how nervous it makes me to send you to that class all alone every day, 5 days a week."

"Alone in the sense of being in a classroom with 25 other students and a teacher?"

"You think The Volturi or Victoria cares about any of that?" He hissed in my ear. I shook my head as he walked me to class.

"I'll be fine for an hour." I said when I reached the door to my first class. Edward shook his head knowing full well how accident prone I was. I gave him a kiss on the lips so there would be no more talk of his worrying.

"See you in Bio." He said. Slowly I let his hand slip from mine as he walked off to his trig class. I walked into the classroom and took my seat beside Jessica. She immediately looked at me with excitement in her eyes.

"Bella! Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh. I guess the accident wasn't as bad as my mom said it was."

"Oh!" I said in comprehension. I had almost forgotten my little motorcycle accident. But it was true. No matter how bad Jessica's mother made something out to be, it was always an ounce less.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a scrape. My hand is sprained but it feels a lot better now."

"Did your dad get mad?"

"I don't even think he knows. Wow. I haven't seen him in a while.."

"Too busy spending time with Mr. Cullen, huh?" she giggled and elbowed me a little. Class started. Mrs. Finne stepped before the class and began writing down declensions on the chalk board. I copied them down in my notebook, not bothering to try and be neat.

"How is Edward anyways?" She whispered with a small smirk on her face.

"He's good.." I answered back with a confused glance.

"I bet he is.." She said with a strange tone to her voice. My face was getting red. What was she getting at? Luckily there was some chatter going on in the room so that ours wouldn't be the most obvious.

"Shh!" The teacher called before turning back to the chalkboard to finish the note. All was quiet for a few moments before classroom buzz stirred up again.

"Oh, come on Bella...You guys have been going out for how long now?" I was bewildered. I never knew how to answer this. Should I count the time that he was gone with Forks or not?

"Um..Nine months?" _Not including the time he left me for _

"See! That's huge. There must be _something _going on..." She pressed. I could _not_ believe we were having this conversation. I was a little annoyed.

"Does everything have to be about sex?" I rebuttaled. Knowing the answer really was yes. It was the bane of my existence. The reason why I had betrayed my boyfriend and getting horrible nightmares about it. There was glorious silence between us for a while.

"So there _is _sex then!" She whispered. "Tell me...how is it? He looks like the type to be-"

Why were we having this conversation? Her question surprised me. I took a deep breath choked on my spit and began to cough manically. I hated when this happened. It was embarrassing. The teacher turned around and looked at me.

"Es usted Bella aceptable?" What the hell did she just say? My eyes were tearing. I coughed. People were looking at me.

"May I go get a drink please?"

"En Espanol, Bella!" Was she serious? I was dying here. I coughed.

"Puede ir consiguieron una bebida del agua?"

"Ci."

I heard Jessica's small laugh as I walked from the table trying to take deep breaths. I walked down the empty hallway and around the corner to find the closest water fountain. The water was awful. Warm. But it kept the coughing down. When I felt a little better I left the fountain and headed back to class. Until a strong arm took hold of me. Before I knew what was happening, I was being led into an empty classroom. The lights were off and the desks were empty. I stood face to face with the handsome doctor.

"What do you want?" I snarled. He looked at me with sad eyes that made me soften.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I had to talk to you. I felt it was improper to leave things the way they ended yesterday."

"Improper? Want me to tell you what's improper? What's improper is you! You putting your hands on me and...kissing my legs and licking up my blood when what I need is stitches! That's improper. What's improper is your _nerve_ to stare at me all the time with Esme, _your wife_ standing right there! What's improper is my boyfriend bringing me to your house to have fun with you and your family..and you make the moves on me as soon as everyone is out of sight!"

I breathed. My face was so hot my eyes burned. Carlisle lowered his head and moved away from me. Avoiding the glare of my eyes.

"What were you trying to accomplish? 'Oh, Bella obviously can't get any from Edward without getting bitten. Let's see what it takes to make her break!'"

"Stop!" He snarled. He moved close to me and took my shoulders in his hands. He startled me. He didn't hurt me though. Either than driving me insane, I knew he would never physically hurt me. "You-you really think I'm like that? I may be unfaithful. And I may be treacherous..but not without reason! And I'd never think of you to be that...cheap. You're so much better than that, Bella...and that's the reason why I care so much.."

"What are you talking about?" I glared. He didn't answer me. I was getting impatient. I turned to leave. He stepped in my way.

"Bella please." He held out his hands. "Wait." My heart thudded with anger. "I know that what I did was wrong-" I didn't want to hear it. It wouldn't change anything. I tried to leave again. He stepped before me again. "And I know that you would have never have done what you did..if I hadn't initiated it first. But I couldn't stop myself. And-"

"Why?" I asked. He looked back at me. Puzzled. "Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"

"Might as well ask Edward the same question."

"Don't even compare- Edward is _my _boyfriend. He doesn't need an excuse!"

"No, I mean...I'm drawn to you Bella. In a way that's indescribable. I can't stop thinking about you. And it scares me to death...I've never been this afraid. Ever." Good. He knew how I felt about losing Edward.

"Carlisle" I whispered. "Your wife..."

"I love her so much. I do. More than anything. She's saved me in more ways than one. But I see you with Edward and I feel something...different. I know you would be willing to walk through fire for him. I've...seen what you've consented to do. It amazes me. It makes me jealous, even. You've gone to such great lengths to be with him. And I've heard how badly things went for you while he was away." He sighed. "I would have never.."

I lowered my head. Embarrassed. I was a mess during those times. I was so glad they were over. And I never wanted to go back. That was why Carlisle had to stay away.

"He did it because he loved me."

"I know. I know. But..desire fuels love Bella. Sometimes I wonder if-"

"My boyfriend loves me!" I yelled.

"I don't doubt that for a minute. But I'm talking about passion, Bella. The _need_ to physically be with someone...The thing that makes a man think twice before leaving town without his girlfriend. The thing that makes a vampire make a woman immortal if necessary...just to be with her forever. Passion." He paused. Did he really mean this? Did Edward have no passion for me? Was Carlisle implying that he had those feelings for me?

"_I _would have never been able to stay away. I can't stay away... It's your fire that makes me want you Bella. Not your blood or your body..." He reached out his hand to kindle my face. I didn't pull away. I closed my eyes and let him come closer to me. He felt so amazing. I began thinking of Edward again. Until he began to speak.

"Passion...doesn't know restraint." I shook my head. This was nonsense going into my ear. I pulled his hand from my face.

"Fidelity means more than passion ever could!" I spat. I turned on tail and headed for the door.

"I know.." He spoke. I kept walking. "That's why I'd be willing to leave Esme for you. If you'll have me..."

I stopped. My hand rested on the doorknob. I felt his eyes drilling into the back of my neck. I stood there for the longest time. And then I heard a bell ring. Wonderful. I had missed a whole class. I shook my head and walked out. Edward would be waiting for me.

**Keep them reviews coming People lol**


	7. Chapter 7

**7. GONE**

The rest of the week flew by in an awful fury of fear, confusion and lies. I didn't go to the Cullen house as often as I used to. Every time I step foot in the house, I was greeted by Esme. Her face smiling. Not knowing what tension was happening between her husband and I. Carlisle and I would stare at each other for a long period of time while noone was watching, and then he would either pretend to be beeped or run off to his study. Was it beginning to get a little obvious, or was It just my paranoia? After a while I just couldn't stand going there anymore. The house that once felt like a second home to me now felt like a deep ocean. And every time I stepped through the door, my head was being held under. It was difficult telling Edward that I had homework every night when I really didn't but it kept me from his house and it kept him with me. At every silent interval that passed over me, I contemplated the word "Passion." It resides in all of us. It makes us all do crazy things. It made Carlisle consider leaving his beautiful wife, Esme for me. It made me give in to him that day in the bathroom. And Carlisle's definition of the word made me carefully consider wether or not Edward truly had these feelings for me. Questioning his love. But then he would smile at me. He would give me one of his wonderful kisses on the neck. He would wrap his arms around me and hold me until I fell asleep. Then every feeling would come flooding back and all questions would vanish.

Work was a drag. I started at 3, It was a slow night and I was working until 9. Since I got through the door and punched in, I had been working on stock. I packed flashlights on shelves, organized skis in the sports section according to size, and had the hardest time putting up a camping display. It was impossible to set up a tent all by yourself. It didn't matter what the manual said.

"Hey, Bella!" Mike called. I looked up. He was carrying a large white box and what looked like a bouquet of flowers.

_Oh god no.._

"These are for you." He held out the gifts to me. My hands were occupied. I was holding a rope that was supposed to be tied to a pike. If I let go of it now, the whole tent would fall. I had been working on the thing for over two hours. No way in hell I was going to risk that.

"Mike..." I sighed. "No, I-"

"Sorry to disappoint you. These aren't from me. Some delivery guy just brought them over a minute ago. Probably from Cullen." He said the last sentence with only a tinge of disdain. I stared at the presents. I wondered what was inside the box.

"I can't-"

"Oh, here let me get that." Mike took the rope from me and handed me the flowers and the box. This was nerve racking. I checked the flowers first. Maybe there would be a card. I lifted the plastic away from the flowers to see a bouquet of twelve red roses. Eleven of them were red. One was white. I smiled. How romantic.

"That's weird.." Mike interjected. "What's with the white one?" I shook my head and smiled even more widely. Some men just didn't understand women like the Cullen Boys did.

"It's so much more romantic.." I whispered. Mike looked more confused. I tried to explain.

"Anyone can order their girlfriend or wife a dozen red roses. The fact he ordered one white one means that he put thought into it." I concluded. Mike nodded. I could tell he was making a mental note of that.

"But they didn't send a card.." He said. He was right. My heart began to race. This was not good. Who was it from? Edward or Carlisle? Edward might not have sent one with his name on it, because he was probably expecting me to automatically know who it was from. Carlisle might not have sent one with his name on it in case anyone else besides me were to see it and think something was going on. I was growing faint. My god, who was it from?

Time for the box. My hands clumsily brought it closer to me and untied the ribbon that held it shut. Mike watched keenly over me. Still holding the rope I handed him. Slowly, as if a bomb could be in it, I lifted the lid. Inside the box sat a beautiful dark blue dress.

"Oh my god..." I whispered. I stood up and held the fabric to myself. It was exquisite. I had never worn anything like it besides my prom dress. Judging the length, it would probably come up to a little above my knees. Beautiful as it was, I couldn't wear it. Especially with the shoes it came with. In the box were a pair of shoes that matched the dress perfectly. Stilettos. Whoever got me this dress probably thought I was brave. I shook my head

_That could be either of them _

"Did you say something?" Mike asked. Wow. Did I say that aloud?

"No i-its just...beautiful."

"It's nice. A bit mature but.." He trailed off. I rolled my eyes. Edward told me what he imagined me going to prom in last year.

"Oh look. Card." Mike's eyes directed me to a particular spot on the floor. Now that he saw what everything was, he seemed uninterested and turned himself onto harnessing the tent for me. I opened the small envelope and pulled out the white card tucked inside.

_I'll send for you at 9_

"Send for me at 9?" I whispered. Mike looked at his watch.

"It's fifteen minutes to. You should start getting ready now..." He said. He didn't sound too enthused but I appreciated him giving me leave to go.

"O-okay..Thanks." I gathered my gifts and walked with them to the women staff bathrooms. I walked to the largest bathroom stall and set the box and the flowers on the floor. What had I gotten myself into? I had a date with a Cullen man. That, I knew for sure. But which one? I couldn't take the chance and not go. It could be Edward. And he would suspect something if I ditched him. I was surprised he hadn't caught on to the reason of my depression yet. My wonderful boyfriend. This was probably a gift to cheer me up. I let a few tears slip as I rid myself of my work clothing and slipped into the beautiful number. It fit like a glove. It hugged all my curves and enhanced my attributes. Perfect. My legs felt a little too bare. I picked up the shoes in my hands. I hadn't worn a pair like these since prom. Would I survive? If I could walk in one stiletto and a leg cast, I would try to walk with two. I removed my sneakers and socks and slid my feet into the tall glittery shoes. Perfect fits as well. I was getting better at this. I bent down with some effort to pick up my work clothing. I made a note to be careful how I did this wearing this dress in the future. I practiced walking to my locker. It went well. I only came close to breaking my neck once. I opened the locker, threw the stuff in and then I caught my reflection in the mirror hanging up inside. I never did care too much for makeup, but I looked a little plain. I searched the locker for something. Anything. Awesome. Lip gloss. I applied it gingerly before finding my brush in my bag and giving it a few runs down my hair. There. I looked decent. I grabbed my coat and left the bathroom. On my way to the door, Mike saw me.

"Wow...wow...wow.." I grinned a little.

"You like?"

"I love. You look great. Cullen is a lucky man" He smiled. I frowned.

_He isn't. He really isn't._

"Have fun tonight!"

"I will. See you!" I smiled. On the inside, I was screaming. I stepped outside and bumped into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, young lady. Are you Miss Swan?" The man was dressed in a black suit, wore a matching hat and held a black umbrella.. There was a long black limo parked before me with the engine still running.

"Yes. I am. Who-"

"I am your chauffeur for this evening. I am to deliver you to Mr. Cullen at the Italia Ristorante in Port Angeles" He said in a very proper tone. I was baffled. Part of me wanted to ask "Which one." but it wouldn't look very good on my part. I kept my lips sealed.

"Will you come this way?" He asked. He held the umbrella above my head as the rain came down and walked me to the limousine which he then opened for me. I slid inside and rested my bouquet of flowers on my lap. The inside of the limo was elaborate. It had a minibar. A small flatscreen television. It made me nervous. I had never been in one of these before. I made it a priority to touch as little as possible. The kind looking older man entered the front of the car. I couldn't see him, but I felt and heard him shut the door. In no time we were off. I watched as we passed forests and street lamps for what seemed like miles. It was so strange going the speed limit. My heart pounded. I felt like I was being driven to death row. I had no idea what awaited me at the restaurant. I could only hope it was Edward. He knew how much I loved that place and why I did. Hopefully only he knew this. I watched as the trees of Forks shifted into the tall buildings and bright lights of Port Angeles. I took deep breaths. I places my hand over my heart and tried not to let the feeling of nausea take over me. Then the car stopped. I had to throw up. The driver came to my side of the door before I could let myself out. I picked up my flowers and took his hand as he offered to lift me out of the seat. He held the same black umbrella over my head and walked me to the front door of the restaurant. He opened the door for me.

"Have a lovely evening miss." I wanted to say thank you, but I felt too sick. I just walked inside. Steady so I wouldn't break a heel. As I entered the building, I noticed that there were no people sitting at the tables. The place was completely empty except for a waiter who came out from behind a table to meet me.

"Good evening Miss Swan. May I escort you to your table for this evening?" I still couldn't speak. This was all a blur. I smiled as best I could without breaking out into tears of anger. The man smiled at me and led me past booths and family tables to a door. He pushed it open and a beautiful large room was revealed to me. A beautiful dining hall, lavished in white cloths and matching wax candles burning all around. It took my breath away.

"Oh my god..." I whispered.

"Right this way, Miss" The man said with a smile. He led me over to the very center of the room where a round table sat. Candles. Silverware. And a bottle of something fancy. This was big. What was going on? The waiter pulled out one of two chairs for me and I sat down in it. My face must have looked like a cherry. This was so overwhelming. I couldn't breathe. I pointed to the bottle that sat on the table beside two glasses.

"Is this alcoholic?" I asked?

"No miss. Would you like-"

"No. This is fine. And I'll pour it for myself. Thank you." After the waiter took his leave, I opened the bottle and poured some carefully into a wine glass. I immediately chugged the liquid down. It tasted like champagne but wasn't. Which was good, considering I didn't drink. But it eased the queasiness away. Strange as it may have looked to someone who walked by, I tried my hardest to put my head between my knees. Edward always told me to do this whenever I felt like this and it worked every time. It didn't work out too well on this one occasion because of my dress, but it was worth a shot. I heard laughter. My heart jump. A hand went on my shoulder and I turned around.

It was Edward. And he was beautiful. He was wearing a tux. Looking as dashing as the first day I saw him. I was so glad it was him and not the other person it could have been. I jumped from my seat a little too quickly. As always, my boyfriend caught me and held me close to him.

"I'm so glad it's you.." I whispered. He laughed and pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

"Who else would it be?" He smiled. I blushed, shook my head and looked away. Edward stepped back from me.

"You look absolutely stunning. Just beautiful." I smiled. My heart fluttered.

"So do you.." I said. He smiled his perfect crooked smile at me before speaking.

"Shall we sit?" He reached out his hand for mine.

"We shall." I slid my hand into his and he pulled my seat out for me so I could sit down once again. In no time he took the seat across from mine. I stared at him. The flickering candles between us complimented the gold color of his eyes. I was so lost in him that I didn't even notice the waiter come back. He set a dish before me.

"Enjoy."

I was confused. I could have sworn I hadn't ordered yet. Then I took a closer look and smiled. Mushroom ravioli. I placed my hand up to my lips and laughed. This is what I ate the first time he brought me here for dinner after saving me from four thugs. I looked to Edward lovingly. He smiled back, looking quite pleased that I was so impressed.

"Nothing for you, sir?" The waiter asked Edward.

"No. I am fine. Thank you once again for the excellent service. Edward raised a hand to shake with the waiter. I was sure he slipped him a tip. He was so good at that. I stared at my boyfriend until the man disappeared. I picked up my fork and stuck a piece of ravioli in my mouth. It was amazing, the nostalgia it caused. It almost felt like the first time I was eating dinner with him. My heart pounding. In awe that I was in his presence and that his eyes were on no one but me.

"Okay, what am I missing here? It's not our anniversary. It's not your birthday. It's not our birthday...What's going on?"

"Does a man need a reason to take his beautiful girlfriend out for a meal?

"No. But he does need a reason to send her a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a gorgeous dress, a limousine, and to close down a whole restaurant to ourselves." He laughed.

"Must you question everything I do?"

"Makes my day worth while." I laughed.

We talked for the longest time. It was nice. Wonderful. All stress and animosities of the week were forgotten. It was just me and my vampire love. He made me laugh. We talked about our first impressions of each other. What our first thoughts were. What we were really thinking when we said something to one another. I learned something about him. I made him nervous. When he left Forks and had to sit and talk to me in Bio, he was actually nervous to talk to me. How adorable. I could never imagine him being shy. There was silence for a little while. And then slow jazz music began to play in the hall. The notes reverberated off the air and into my ears. I closed my eyes but found them open again soon after. Edward was standing at my side, holding out his hand for me to take. I looked down to my feet. Deathtraps were stuck to them. I looked back up at him. Not taking no for an answer. I reluctantly stood up and took his hand. Smiling as he swept me into his arms and onto the dance floor. The lights were dimming. I pressed my head to his shoulder and moved my body with his to the slow music. I loved this. I loved him. This was such a wonderful surprise. I needed it. If I ever doubted his love because of Carlisle, it was reaffirmed sevenfold right now. How could a man do all this for a woman and not love her? I breathed him in. Memorized his touch.

He pulled away from me slightly. He stared at me and smiled, looking so beautiful. He touched my arm gently and took my right hand. He brought it to his soft lips and kissed it. My face got hot again.

And then he slid to the floor. On one knee. My heart thudded in a thunderous rhythm.

"Edward..."

"Bella Swan." He stared up at me. His eyes shining. I was going to faint. I was definitely going to faint. " I love you. More than words can ever allow me to convey. You've turned a century of loneliness and solidarity into a bright future of love and understanding. You've taught me so much..about...Loyalty. Trust. And Hope. You are all of these things to me. And I can't...imagine myself with anybody in this world but you." Edward reached into the inner breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out a velvet box. My whole body was shaking. Why hadn't my legs given out yet? He opened the box and I absolutely broke down crying. I kneeled down to the floor before him so I wouldn't fall. The ring was beautiful. White gold with a diamond in the middle. I sobbed into my hands. I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Bella, "I have made the promise to love you for all eternity..and not a second less...And I swear that no matter what your answer may be, I will honor that promise." Edward began to slide the ring from it's snug spot in the box. He tucked the case away and raised my left hand. "But I am hoping with all my existence that you will say yes..marry me...and become my wife." His eyes shone with seriousness. After I had brought him back home from Italy a few months ago, he made a little joke. If I married him, he would turn me into a vampire. What a trick he played. He knew I wasn't ready for marriage and he also knew that I wouldn't say yes and marry him just so he would change me. But this was the real deal. He had this place decorated for me with flowers and candles. He had the ring. He was on one knee. And he had a look in his eyes that said that if he could cry, he probably would be. Though not to the extent that I was. He was serious. He wanted me to be his wife. He wanted to change me. He wanted to be with me for all eternity.

"Yes!" I blurted. I laughed through all my tears. This was the best moment of my entire life. Was I dreaming? If I was, I'd surely hang myself when I woke up. Edward slid the ring onto my ring finger. It felt as if it were made just for me. I stared at the diamond on my finger and broke out into happy laughter. The tears wouldn't stop. I flung myself at my husband-to-be and held him tightly.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." I said. I meant it. I absolutely meant it.

"I love you too, Bella Swan."

"Soon to be Bella Cullen!" I squealed.

We danced through most of the night. I drank more of the fake champagne. It was great. Edward and I spun around the floor laughing and behaving like idiots. I could only imagine what the wedding would be like. And as his official fiancé, I could plan the wedding all I wanted now.

"Whatever you want, you'll have" Edward stated matter-of-factly. That kind of covered everything. It was going to be nice and simple. I'm sure Edward would agree.

"I'm kind of excited about the honeymoon though.." Edward smiled slyly. I couldn't help but smile back. I would be a vampire. There would be no restraint. He and I could behave as normal couples did. Neither of us had to be breakable any longer.

"Mmm...Brazil during the rain season..." I smiled.

"Since when do you like rain?" He smiled. I smiled back and gave him a look. He should know

"I was actually thinking Hawaii."

"That would be awesome! But oh, too sunny. We don't want to be shining all over the place. And being cooped up inside wouldn't be too much fun."

"We?" Edward asked.

"Hmm?"

"Why would _we_ be shining?" He asked.

"Doesn't that happen to _all _vampires?" I hadn't seen anybody else in the family in the sun, but I was sure they said it applied that shininess applied to _all _vampires. Somehow I felt as if I was missing something. Edward lowered his head.

"Edward...were you planning to change me after the ceremony?" I asked. There was a long pause. Then he looked at me

"No." Incredible. Absolutely amazing. What in the hell was he thinking? I knew he was kidding when he mentioned changing me in exchange for my hand in marriage, but I can't believe I actually thought he would follow through on it when the real thing happened.

"-Bella."

"Edward, you said that-"

"You knew I was kidding."

"But it _would_ have been common sense if you were being serious!"

"Bella, I love you. I want you to be my wife. But my views on your mortality remain the same. I refuse to-"

"Condemn you to a world of darkness and despair." I mocked. Edward blinked at me.

"Edward. This is my life. And I am one half of this marriage that's about to take place. I should have a say on my life and how I live it. You're my fiancé and already you're dictating my life!"

"Or your intentions for this life you speak of, of being extinguished."

"It won't be extinguished! It will be with _you! _The man I love! And if you don't see it from that perspective for me, I don't know what more there is to say!"

"I won't do it." He jested. I grew angry. I began to rise from the table. "I'm just trying to do what's best for you Bella!" He said rising as well.

"Well stop! I wish everyone would stop telling me how to live my goddamn life! Telling me what's good for me and what's not! You are good for me Edward. _You_. I love you and you should respect my decision to give up my mortal life to be with you. What's wrong? Can you not love me unless I blush all the time. Unless I smell good for you 24/7? " Edward's anger began to show as clearly as mine now.

"Why are you saying these things? I love you! I got down on one knee for you! Where were you when that was happening?" A long pause. I closed my eyes and asked the question that I had asked him so many times.

"Do you want me?"

"Forever!"

"But tell me..what's the point? What good does it do either of us if you refuse to _have _me?" Edward didn't answer He stood rigid. Tall and proud. For the first time, I hated it.

"You know you can't...Not while I'm like this.." I raised my arms and let them fall to my sides.

"I won't do it..." Edward said. His jaw clenched. Staring at me with determination.

"Then neither will I..." I whispered. Tears spilled onto my cheeks for a second time this evening. This time, not nearly as joyful as the first.

I removed the engagement ring from my finger and placed it on the table before turning on heel and walking across the hall. I was crying and shaking but my pride wouldn't allow me to slip on my heels and fall. I walked with determination. Hoping with all of me that Edward would call back and change his mind. I knew he wouldn't. I made my out of the Italia Ristorante and to the front door. It was cold. Rainy. There were people on the streets that were looking at me strangely. It took a moment to realize I forgot my coat inside. I wasn't about to go inside and get it now. A yellow taxi turned the corner. I raised my hand and yelled for it. It rolled up in front of me. I opened the door and sat inside.

"Forks." I muttered. The driver nodded and he took off at once. I cried silently in the back seat. Not making a sound so the man up front wouldn't know. How could this night go from the best of my life to the worst in a second? Why was he so stubborn? We reached Forks after an hour of driving. I felt dead. I just wanted to sleep. I shook my head. Trying to make a decision.

"Wait. Turn in there. Yeah. Then keep going." The cab nodded and followed my directions. He drove for another five minutes before pulling up to a large white house. I thanked the man, payed him and stepped out of the car. I looked to the garage. Rosalie's car was gone, and obviously Edward's was as well. I nodded then. Making my final decision. I walked up the steps to the Cullen house and entered without ringing the bell. I tried to make as little noise with my shoes as I walked through the foyer and up the large stair cases. I tripped over myself a couple times, making my way up. I felt like the living dead in not such a beautiful sense. I probably looked the part too. Wet and bedraggled no matter how well dressed I was. I made my way up two flights before coming to a wooden door. Once again not bothering to knock. I knew he would be there and he probably knew I was there. I pushed open the door and walked in. He actually looked surprised. Just looking up from a book he was previously indulged in.

"Bella, what are you doing here at this hour? What's happened? What's wrong?" He began to walk towards me. I shook my head. Water beading from my hair.

"It doesn't matter...But you and I both know I'm not here so you can read to me..." I mumbled. Shaking from the cold. Carlisle didn't look as pleased as he thought I would be. He embraced me. Rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head in a way that was so loving it knocked the air out of my chest. Then he lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. And then I kissed him. And then I was his. And then I was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**8. HALF TRUTHS**

It felt like I was laying in the rain. I could hear it pouring outside. The window of this strange room cracked open. Sending in a chilled breeze. I could smell the water from the sky. Such a lovely smell. I closed my eyes and smiled as the thunder rolled. It felt like cold droplets were caressing my skin. My head rested on Carlisle's bare chest. My fingers traced the contours of his body that weren't hidden beneath the soft, dark bed sheets. I looked up into his beautiful face. He smiled at me. It made me feel warm. Was it normal to feel so calm? I supposed calm always came afterwards. When you lay awake together in bed. Lost in your own world of lust and feeling. The picking of our consciences would come later. The room I was resting in now with Carlisle was anything but calm a few minutes ago. It was hard to believe. Moments ago I was giving way to moans and sighs. Mine and his. Drowning in the way he called my name. And the way he felt so good, I couldn't even make my mouth properly form words. Which was a good thing.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"I feel different. Calm. Like...my eyes have been opened up.." I smiled. His hands stroked down my skin again. Making me think of rain.

"I don't know how much longer we have. Everyone went to go hunt abou-"

"Shhh..." I put my finger tips to his lips. I didn't want to believe there was an outside world. When I got there I would feel guilty for this. I didn't want to feel it yet. It was hard enough as it was not thinking about Edward. How I was his fiancé not even a couple hours ago. And now I didn't even know if we were still together. No. I wanted to keep believing the same lie that led me here. That Edward was here with me. That I had made love to Edward. My fiance. Carlisle smiled lightly. He kissed my fingers and the palm of my hand. My wrists. I wanted his lips on mine. Why was I such a different person around him? I felt bold. Finally in control. He didn't try to make decisions for me. He didn't push me away when I came to him tonight. I pulled his face slowly to mine. His lips were soft. His breath going into my mouth. I sighed.

"You taste as good as you smell." I whispered. He laughed. He ran his hands down my body. His fingers disappeared beneath the bed sheets. And before I could think, I gasped. His fingers ran against the folds between my legs. I bit my lip. When he pushed them inside I cried out.

"You feel as good as you taste..." He whispered in my ear. He rubbed his fingers against me. My vision got blurry. A strangled moan got lost in my throat before I lurched forward and bit down on the hard skin of his shoulder. Shuddering against him. He moaned at the feeling of my teeth in his cold, thick skin. After the surging sensation of pleasure passed, I slowly detached myself from him. I looked at him. Out of breath. His approach was so sudden and brash. He didn't think. He just did. I loved it. It made me feel like a woman. Not a little girl to be kindled.

"Mmm..quite a bite you have there, Bella, darling. You'll make quite a divine vampire." I sighed and lay back into the pillows. Steadying my heartbeat. Everyone said that.

"Hell only knows.." I mumbled. He turned on his side to look at me.

"You've changed your mind then? You don't want me to change you into vampire any longer?"

"I don't know..." I whispered. "I don't think so...not anymore..."

"Why is that? I thought it was all you wanted." He looked at me questioningly. I shook my head and looked above me. Dark sheets of our canopy bed was all I could see. We were lucky they had so many guest rooms in this house. I would have never slept with Carlisle in the bed he shared with Esme. Somehow, it would have made the betrayal even worse.

"Edward..." I paused. When I said his name, a lump formed in my throat. "I wanted immortality for him. I don't care about beauty. I don't care about gold eyes or...perfect skin..or dazzling people. I wanted it so I could be with _him_ and now that he and I aren't getting married anymore...I don't see the point."

"Married?"

"He proposed to me...just before I came here." What a change. From Edward's arms to Carlisle's bed.

"Didn't you say yes?"

"Of course I did. Until I found out he still wanted me mortal."

"I see...so, you're here for the rebound?..." Carlisle looked torn. I looked back at him with a less crushed expression.

"Wasn't it obvious?" Carlisle shifted from his side and lay on his back. He let out a long breath and shook his head in disappointment. He had thought we were together? I sat up and looked at him.

"I mean, I love Edward...but with all the rejection I've gotten from him, sometimes I feel like...my body is screaming out for...something. I just needed to feel...something."

"And do you regret it now that you've gotten it?"

"What _I_ wanted? Didn't you?"

_Of course I regret it. It felt good..but it's not you that I wanted it from Carlisle. You're willing to give up so much for me. Esme. Your perfect companion. If I didn't love Edward so much, and if she didn't love you... you would be the one...but you aren't..and Edward is. And nothing can change that._

"I wanted more than this...I thought this was just the beginning."

"Look..I don't know what Edward and I are..now that I broke off the engagement. It..didn't go well...But if he and I still have some kind of chance...I'm taking it." Carlisle didn't look at me.

"I'm not going to be with you..." I said. Then he looked to me.

"In any other way but this?..." He asked. He reached up his hand and brushed a lock of hair from my eyes." I blushed in shame. The guilt was sinking in. It took tight hold of my heart and lungs and squeezed. Carlisle grinned.

"I'll take what I can get.." He whispered. He leaned up and cupped my face. I looked at him for a moment longer before snapping back to reality.

The euphoria of his lovemaking was gone. Our talking of the complications between Edward and I reminded me how much I loved him. It reminded me that I may have been sleeping with Carlisle...but when I stared at him I saw Edward's face. And when I bit my lip, I was trying my damned hardest not to call out Edward's name. I rose from the bed and walked about the room picking up my discarded clothes. Trying to avoid the broken glass of the vases and ornaments we broke when Carlisle and I pushed each other against tables and walls. Grabbing at each other. Unable to restrain ourselves.

"We did quite a job on the room." He laughed from the bed. Looking at me. He was beautiful. He was charming. He was romantic. An amazing lover. But he wasn't my Edward. So I refused to look back. I smiled lightly and put my underwear, dress and heels back on. My heart began to pound. What if someone was outside?

"We're fine. I can't hear them anywhere near by. Shall I call you a cab?"

"Yes. Please." We looked out the window of the large guest room. His arm wrapped around me. Waiting for the yellow car to pull up. Suddenly my mind crossed over Charlie. I had some explaining to do when I got home. When the car pulled up I looked at him

"I have to go. I'll...I'll see you.." I whispered and turned to leave. Carlisle caught me by the wrist and turned me around. Kissing me on the lips. He released me. I stumbled back a little. This wasn't right. I made my way as quickly as I could out of the house before falling flat on my face.

I stepped into my house. Wondering what time it was. I looked to the clock. 2 am.

"Bella!"

_Great_

"Bella!"

"I'm here dad!" I called.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!"

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you all dressed up? And soaking wet.." Charlie asked. I told him half truths.

"Oh, Edward took me out to dinner." I mumbled.

"Oh." My dad muttered. "You could have called."

"I know. But I didn't even know he was going to do it. It was a spur of the moment kinda thing" I looked away from my father. I had been telling a lot of half truths lately. My father looked at me strangely. This was my exit cue.

"Well, I'm kind of tired. I'll see you..later...in the morning.." I said. I began to head from the kitchen and to the direction of the stairs.

"Bella?" He called. "Are you sure you're okay?"

_Okay? Okay? When did I say I was okay? My boyfriend - if he's still my boyfriend- proposed to me tonight. We had a fight about him not changing me and I broke it off not too soon after. I just lost my virginity to his father figure and I don't even love him. This isn't me. I am not okay...I don't know if I ever will be...There's so much I've done that I can't ever take back.._

"Yeah." I smiled. "I'm fine." Without another word I made my way upstairs to my room. I didn't turn the light on. I stumbled into the door and closed it behind me before taking the first high heel off my left foot. This night was terrible. Terrible. I couldn't believe what I had done. I curled up on my bed and pulled my blankets around me. Bawling my eyes out.

"Edward..." I whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm so stupid. This isn't me. This isn't me..What have I done?...Edward.."

"You haven't done anything..."

I looked up. Edward pulled himself from the shadow of a corner in my room. I shook my head and rested it on my knees. He had no idea. I wasn't his innocent Bella anymore. And it made me sick. I didn't know what I wanted right now. For him to stay or go. I looked up at him. A sliver of light from my window caught his beautiful face. He was still wearing his tux. The black jacket unbuttoned. Some of the buttons of his white shirt undone. His tie missing. How could I betray someone so wonderful? I couldn't believe it, but I wanted him to go. Far away from me. Run away with his ears plugged so I could tell him no more lies. I cried hard into my knees. My body shook.

"W-what are you d-doing here? L-leave." I said. If he weren't a vampire he probably wouldn't have any comprehension of what I was saying.

"Where do you want me to go?" He asked. Moving closer to my bed. I moved away."

"Please."

"Bella, tonight...it wasn't what I had in mind and-"

"I-I-I can't b-be with you..." I said. I was tearing my own heart out. But I couldn't lie to him anymore. But I couldn't tell him the truth. So I had to push him away. Far away. If only he knew the things I had done. In his home. With his best friend for centuries. Edward ceased his advance towards me. I felt his look drilling into me. Trying to make of this. Five hours ago I was his fiancé. Now it was over? It didn't make sense to me either.

"I-Its's o-over." I shook. I heard Edward take a deep breath in.

"Bella, I know I displeased you tonight...that was never my intention. I am so sorry."

"Y-you didn't do anything. It's not your f-fault. It's m-me. I'm not g-good enough. I don't deserve-"

"Shh..."

"Nothing will e-ever be the same. Ever!" I looked up at him with teary eyes. How could I ever be his again? All I ever had to offer him was gone to Carlisle now. And I had done it willingly.

"There was a time...when I almost wanted to hear you say that. For you to tell me to leave you. So I would stay away. So I would never prove a harm to you...And now you're finally saying the words...and- I can't. I won't."

"I could easily f-fix that..." I said. All I had to do was tell him where I just was this evening after I left the restaurant.

"Bella. I don't know how many times I must tell you why I can't-" I looked up at him. My shaking subsiding but the tears still flowing freely. He ran his fingers through his hair and moved closer to my bed. Kneeling down before me and running his fingers through my hair.

"Remember at the zoo last week...when we were talking about..having children?" He asked. I remembered. I sniffled and lowered my head.

"And I said that...I sometimes think about having my own...Ever since I met you I wondered what our lives would be like..if I were a normal man for you. To give you a beautiful wedding on a bright beach. With all your family and friends. To buy a nice house and give you a little son or daughter. To have kids screaming and running around the house before we send them to school.." I looked at him in silence. He was obviously having a hard time saying what he wanted to say.

"But the more I kept wishing these things for you...I began to realize..I wanted these things for _myself_ as well." Edward looked at me with anguish in his eyes. He put his hand up to his chest in such emphasis. To try and make me understand.

"I want a normal life, Bella. I want to go to the beach with my brothers and sisters on sunny days instead of ripping at a deer's throat. I want to be able to touch you...and give you a house in sunny Jacksonville near Rene so that the kids can go visit their grandma sometimes. I _want _to be human Bells! Almost every day, I wish it. And Carlisle doesn't know but...at times..I'm resentful. Sometimes I wished he had let the fever take me all those years ago..."

I breathed in deeply. I hated the thought. Of him laying dead on a hospital bed. It made me go further into insanity.

_What kind of monster am I? How could I betray him? How could I have ever turned my back on such an angel?_

I reached out my hand to him. More tears flowed out.

"And that's part of the reason why I left him after he made me. Not only because of his way of life...drinking animal blood..but for the fact that it was because of him that I had to drink blood at all...We _all _regret it Bella. We all want our mortality back. Rosalie probably feels it more than all of us. That's why she's so angry. And..I don't want you to be angry Bella. Because you're so...beautiful when you smile" He reached out his hand. His thumb brushed my bottom lip.

"No one so beautiful should ever be made to suffer for a minute." I shook my head. He was wrong about me. Wrong.

"Having a companion..it makes the pain better. That's why we never want to be alone. That's why Carlisle made me...To make immortality more..bearable. Bella..._you _are the only good thing this eternal life has given me. In a way..I have to thank Carlisle. If he hadn't made me...I would have never met you. And that's something I wouldn't trade for the world. But otherwise..." He trailed off. I shook my head in disbelief. He had the purest love for me that could ever have been had.

"No matter how much you love me Bella...you will look at me some days...and wish I had never made you...I promise you. No matter how much you say you want to be with me for eternity...you will feel this way..And I love you far too much for that. I'd rather you left me than for you to ever feel that pain. I can't live without you...but I'll never do it..." And then he rose for the door. Heading for the window.

"Edward!" He stopped.

"I should go...you need rest."

"I won't be able to sleep without you here..."

"I thought you said it was over..." He mused.

"I'm an idiot.." I said bluntly. Edward turned around and looked at me with such sad eyes.

"You're almost as hopeless as I am..." He whispered.

"Please..." I begged. He turned around and walked to my bed. He slowly slid his way under the sheets. I did the same and curled up beside him. Resting my head on my pillow. Draping my arm over his chest.

"I'll make things up to you.." I whispered. "I'll set things right...and hope to god you'll forgive me..." I whispered. Lost. I didn't even care if he figured out what I was talking about. It would spare me having to tell him. And I was _going_ to tell him. It was all just one big mistake.

"You don't owe me anything...just...love me...and...pray it's not such a disaster the next time I propose..." he smiled.

_As if he'd ask me to marry him again...but if he did...I would. I would marry him. Mortal or not._

"I love you more than anything Edward...Do you believe me?" There was a pause. My heart thudded.

"I believe you.." He whispered into my ears. "No woman is crazy enough to put her life in danger by having a vampire boyfriend without good reason.." I smiled. It almost felt normal again. I had my boyfriend. Back...Now I had to risk losing him again to fix things.

"Don't leave me tonight..." I whispered.

"I wouldn't dream of it..." He said. I smiled and turned my head around to look at him. "Pardon the pun." He laughed.

"Sing to me?" I asked. And he sang. My lullaby. I cried as it soothed me to sleep.

The next morning I was awoken with a wonderful aroma filling my nose. It wasn't Edward. It was food. Whatever it was. Butterfly kisses touched my face in multiple places. I smiled.

"Wake up, love." He rang. "It's Twelve in the morning." I sat up with a start.

"What? School! We're late! I have to-"

"Calm...calm.." He said in his songlike voice. "It's also a Sunday." I breathed.

"Well what's the problem then?" I asked. "Come back to bed..."

"I made you french toast." He smiled.

"Forget sleep. Food." I sat up. He laughed and picked up a tray from my bedside table and placed it in my lap carefully.

"Bon Appetite." He said as I devoured the food. It tasted amazing. After I was done I chugged down the glass of orange juice that came with the meal.

"I need to go home pretty soon..." Edward said as he paced my room. Once again looking at all the little things that littered my table.

"Why?" I asked. Sadness in my eyes. What a silly question.

"I think I could go for a shower and a change of clothing" He said. I looked over him. Ah yes..the tux. He still looked dashing. I looked down at myself. Still wearing the little blue dress.

"Touche." I said. I could definitely go for the same.

"Would you like to come? The gang hasn't seen you for a while." Edward said. My heart began to beat quickly again. Carlisle would be there. I should go. Not to be with him again but to tell him that it was wrong. It was never happening again and that I was going to tell Edward. Wether or not he told Esme was his business. But I couldn't go on lying to the man I loved when he had done so much for me. I promised myself I would do this. Last night as Edward sang the last note of his song. Before I fell asleep. And I would do it. Even if it meant losing everything.

"Y-yeah...alright.."

"Are you feeling alright?" Edward asked. He probably heard my heart. I was probably getting pale.

"Fine. I think I just ate the french toast a little too fast. Let me shower first and we can get going."

I grabbed my bag packed with everything I would need in the bathroom and picked out my outfit for the day. Blue jeans and a red t-shirt. Shaking I made my way to the bathroom and ran the water to an appropriate temperature. As I stepped beneath the showerhead I prepped myself for what I was about to do. I was going to break Edward's heart. I was going to tell him it was a mistake. I wasn't thinking clearly. And it would never happen again. Hopefully he would believe the truth.

_You'll love me for eternity...and not a second less...So you say...God..I hope you're right. Because what I've done is unforgivable. It's disgusting. Dishonest. And not the kind of thing that a person who really loved you would do. But I did it wishing it was you. Really. I didn't even see Carlisle. You're all there is. I promise. _

I shook my head. I wouldn't believe it. But then, I wouldn't have to. Edward would never have done this. If I lost him, I deserved it. But I don't think I would survive. Not again. Definitely not again. And I didn't need to go as far as Italy to make it happen. I stepped from the shower. I dried myself off and dressed myself in my clothing. Taking my time. No need to rush to my own funeral. I brushed out my hair until the tangles were gone and then I made my way out of the bathroom.

"Ready?" Edward asked. I answered honestly.

"Not really." He looked at me with a peculiar expression. "Let's go.." I said. I slid into a raincoat on my way out of the house and left the warmth of shelter out into the chilled rain. Edward opened his Volvo door for me and I slid in. The car drive to Edward's house was the longest drive of my life. I had to unwillingly pull my hand from the hand that held my boyfriends. My palms were sweaty. I cracked my knuckles which made Edward wince a little. I opened my car door and stepped out.

_I can't do this. I can't do this...Not today. Not yet._

Edward was smiling for some reason. He began bolting to the front door of the large house.

"Edward!" I yelled. I tried futilely to keep up. I tripped over myself a couple times making my way up the stairs. When I looked through the doorframe I saw the whole Cullen family standing in the foyer. The _whole _family. Edward had Alice in his arms. Spinning her around in a circle. Jasper looked better. Rosalie had her "twin brother" in a tight embrace. I felt Carlisle's eyes press on me. I ignored him. Jasper and Alice were home!

"Alice!" I said. I ran for her and hugged her as soon as Edward released her. Her embrace was different. Not as personal. And I didn't get my usual kiss on the cheek.

"Alright, alright, everyone in!" Esme called. "We have so much catching up to do! Bella! Haven't seen you since the snowball fight! How are you, dear? Can I make you some tea?" She asked.

"I'll do it!" Alice chimed. She looked at me. Her look was cold. It sent shivers down me. The feeling worsened as she took a rather tight hold on my wrist. Pulling me to the direction of the kitchen they never used unless I was around. Esme, no longer having to make tea for me went to the sitting room with the rest of the family to talk to Jasper about his recovery.

"Alice-"

"Shut up!" She spat. "You and I have some chatting to do..and I'm going first." And then she looked at me with hate.


	9. Chapter 9

**9. PARALYSIS AND SURREALITY**

She released me in a rough manner. I closed my eyes and groaned as the blood began to rush back to my hand. I rubbed my wrist and looked at her with wide eyes. I was in complete disbelief. Alice. My best friend. She treated me like a worthless rag doll. I had never seen her act this way before. Her golden eyes blazed at me. Sending hot needles pricking into my body. And I knew exactly why.

"How have you been, dearest Bella? Making yourself even more at home? Familiarizing yourself with the future in-laws much?"

"Alice please-"

"You wait until I turn my back before you decide to sleep with your boyfriend's father so I can't do anything about it, huh? You're really smart, aren't you?"

"Alice I didn't know that Jasper would relapse, how could I have planned it?"

"I don't know. You're a very strange human Bella..." Alice moved closer to me. I backed away. Frightened. I had never angered a vampire before. Except for the three that had tried to kill me last spring. But two of them were dead now. Killed by the Cullens, whom I had never angered before. It was disorienting to see one of them coming at me now. It scared me even more to know that things _could_ get worse.

"No vampire can hurt you...no vampire can read your mind...Who knows what you're capable of?...especially now that you're capable of seducing a respectable vampire from his wife!"

"Alice, please! Keep your voice down..."

"Why should I? Don't you think they should all know what kind of person you are? How you're trying to destroy our family? How you're using my brother?" She snarled. "That little Miss Bella Swan isn't the virginal sweetheart we've all made her out to be?"

"Don't you dare!" I hissed. "I love Edward more than anything. You know that!"

"I'm a fortune teller, not a mind reader...I don't know anything." I walked to Alice. Angered. I had no reason to be. She was well within her rights to be angry at me. But she was wrong. She could call me a harlot. A homewrecker. A liar. A fake...but she could never, ever say that I didn't love my boyfriend.

"I love Edward. I would die for him."

"Of course you would...this is what it's all about, isn't it? Wanna be a vampire...Edward won't make you into a vampire. Carlisle will. So you wrap him around your little finger and-"

"I only want immortality if I'm with Edward. Without him, I'm nothing. Now please...please...Alice. Let me- let me help you...to understand."

And then I told her what happened. From the very beginning of this chaos in the doctors office with Carlisle last week. To last night. Edward's proposal. And sleeping with is father. Alice stared at me. Bewildered.

"C-Carlisle...he- No...Esme..he wouldn't.."

"I'm sorry.."

"Are you really?"

"I regret it. I've never messed up this badly in my life...ever. I could lose everything. But I want to set it right..I do." I walked to my beloved Alice and took her hand. I looked into her eyes and begged. I broke down. I fell to the floor and sobbed into her shirt quietly so that the rest of the family didn't hear.

"P-please Alice. You have to help me...you have to help me. Tell me..what will happen? What will happen if I tell Edward the truth?"

Alice ripped her hand from mine and looked down at me with disdain.

"I don't _have _to tell you anything. Besides...I can't know until an ultimate decision is made." I shook. I couldn't make this kind of decision. I didn't have a decision in my mind. There were so many options. The one that stuck out in my head was to pack up everything I owned. To tell Edward to do the same and run away. Run anywhere. And just be together. Alice laughed

"Oh please...where would you go?" She mimicked. I couldn't believe this. Not only was I going to lose my boyfriend. I was going to lose my best friend. Was this really happening?

"Alice please-" I muttered.

"You have my silence. That's all." She said. And then she pulled herself away from me a little. I sobbed into the kitchen floor.

"I-I c-c-cant do th-this a-lone..." I said. I felt like I was going to vomit. I had no refuge. Nowhere to turn. Maybe I should just drive myself to La Push and jump off of that precipice for real this time. The only thing that was stopping me from doing so is knowing that Edward would find himself before the Volturi in no time afterwards.

"I-I can't...I can't hurt him...I can't..I can't..." I whispered over and over. I was losing my mind.

Alice came back and kneeled before me. She placed her hand on my head and came close until our foreheads touched. It was so good to finally have her kindness shine on me. It almost made me feel better. Almost.

"What you and Carlisle did...was wrong...so wrong...The betrayal. If it had been with anyone else...But Carlisle...they've been together for over a century."

"I know.." I muttered. "I know.."

"But do the right thing Bella. Do the right thing. No matter what.." She whispered. And then she was gone.

Her telling me to do the right thing could have been a sign. Maybe she saw something. Something good coming out of me telling Edward the absolute truth. Until she said "no matter what". That could mean I could lose him. I could lose him. Slowly I stood up. Tried to pull myself together.

"Bella? Have you seen Alice?" I turned with a start.

"Jasper. Hey..." I walked over to the vampire and hugged him very carefully. He pulled away from me and looked me in the eye.

"..Are you okay?"

"Yeah...yeah.. I'm fine." I whispered. He eyed me carefully. Obviously not believing me. So I changed the subject

"How are you feeling?"

"Oh. Better. Alaska did me some good. I'm working hard. But giving up human blood feels like it's getting harder instead of easier."

"You're stronger than you think...You can do it." I smiled at him as best I could. Jasper reached out a hand and rested it on my shoulder. Suddenly, I felt better. A wave of calm passed over me. He worked his abilities on me. Was it that obvious how messed up I was?

"Thanks" He turned around and left the room. I slunk myself down onto a stool that rested around the tall counters of the kitchen.

_Do the right thing. Do the right thing. Do the right thing._

There was no such thing as the _right _thing in this circumstance. No matter what, I was hurting Edward. And any situation where my angel got hurt, couldn't ever be right. I had to chose now. Which option would cost the least amount of sorrow? I couldn't run away with him. I couldn't lie. Telling the truth would hurt him.,but at least I wouldn't have him by my side without deserving him any longer. He could find someone else. He deserved love. And he would find it. Yes...I did wrong. I did betray him. But no matter who he found...she would never love him as much as me. I had to fix things.

I tried my hardest to maintain the calm and harmony in myself as I climbed the stair cases to Carlisle's study. I was going to warn him. I was going to tell Edward what happened and if he was smart, he would do the same for Esme. I walked to the door. Afraid of how he would approach me. If he tried anything I would resist. I would see _his _face and not Edward's and I would not be sucked in.

"...Esme!"

"No. I deserve an explanation, Carlisle, I am your wife!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me why! Why do you never seem to have time for your family anymore? For your marriage..."

I breathed in deeply as I listened. My heart pounded. I opened the door of Carlisle's study a small crack to see the beautiful blonde male sitting behind his desk. An angry look on his face. Esme walking gracefully before his study. Her anger obvious.

_Look what you've done.._

"Esme..." Carlisle snarled as his temper grew. I never saw him angry. Just like Alice, it was a riveting thing to see.

"...All the time! Night and day. It's like you're wedded to your beeper!" I heard something shatter. Esme must have picked up the small contacting device from her husband's study table and throw it against the far back wall. Carlisle remained seated. Trying to calm himself.

"And when you aren't at the hospital, you never come to be with me..or the children...you stay cooped up here with your volumes of books!" More clatter as she picked up the book sitting before Carlisle and threw it in the same direction as she had the beeper.

" As if you haven't read them all before! You could barely stay in the sitting room today to welcome Jasper home! What is wrong with you? Is it something _I _have done?"

"You haven't done anything!" Carlisle stood now. "Nothing but your ignorance. Can you not understand? I'm a doctor. I help people. I'm busy...and when I'm home I'd like to have some-"

"Some what? Space?" Esme yelled. Carlisle fumed and ran his fingers through his hair. He stepped back from his desk and walked to look out the window of his study.

"It never used to be so! As soon as you came home you used to come to me. And lay with me in bed. You couldn't keep your hands off of me. Am I not worthy of your body anymore Mr. Cullen? Have I bored you in bed? Let's see if any of your books can teach me a thing or two. Tell me what you want, husband dear.." She said in a silky voice. Esme walked behind her companion at the window to wrap her arms around his waist. It didn't take a genius to see where her hands wandered. Carlisle's body stiffened. "Is this what you want?" And then he pushed her away gently.

"Stop being vulgar Esme."

"Vulgar? I am your wife...for almost ninety years I have been married to you and now you think my touching you is vulgar?" There was a prickling silence. Tears flowed from my eyes. I was scared. Would it be this bad for Edward and I? I shook my head. I couldn't tell him. Not if we were going to fight like that. I slunk away from the door quickly.

"Fine...have fun at work tonight darling.." Her voice was sinister.

She was angry still as far as I could tell. This was confusing. From the outside I saw my beloved vampire family as beings that felt nothing but nothing but good feelings towards each other. Then I saw them closer. They were dead, yes. Not normal. But if you reached inside them and ripped out the parts of them that craved blood...they were human. And they felt as us humans felt. And they fought as humans fought. And they all wanted to feel. They wanted to feel connected and loved. And it was because of me why Esme hadn't felt it in such a long time. I went two doors down to a random guest room and closed myself in. My entire world was crashing down and I was pulling surviving people down with me. My head throbbed. Everything spun. I was suffering of everything. Exhaustion, sadness, insanity. A broke heart. I found the bed of the room. Everything was white and colored in an inviting way. I curled up beneath the covers and hoped that I the outside world would never find me. My mind reeled

_I have to tell him. It will be worse if I don't. I'm not brave enough. But I'll tell him. And he'll leave me when I do...but I'll still tell them. Because I respect him. I love him. And he deserves more than a liar and cheat for a girlfriend. And I'll die without him. Without a doubt. No joke. I won't be breathing. Because I can't take it when he's gone. But I'll tell him...because I must. I'll tell you the truth., Edward love...but not right now. Not when the world is spinning. Not when Carlisle and Esme are fighting. Not when the whole Cullen household is present to watch the demise of our love...Tomorrow. Later today. But I will tell you. I will. _

"Ow" I whined as my head pounded. My brain was breaking. I closed my eyes. Sleep came quickly. Sleep was my only relief now. But I dreamed. And my dreams were nightmares. And when I dreamed...I wanted to wake up. Like this nightmare I was dreaming now.

I was back there. Trapped. Locked in the room that I shared with Carlisle last night. I tried opening the door but it was locked. I tried hitting at the windows but It wouldn't break. I sat at the edge of the bed. Sobbing. And then _he _came. From the shadows. His eyes black. Hungry. Staring straight into the core of me. And he kneeled before me. Wiping away all my tears. Looking beautiful. Bold. Strong.

"_No..." _I whispered. But I warmed at his chilling touch. I didn't really want him to stop. Not at all. I tried waking up. Knowing that I was dreaming. The paralysis and surreality of it all. I could only move the way he wanted me to move. It was terrifying.

"_I'm yours...now give yourself to me..."_

"_Esme..."_

"_Is long gone...forever. You are my consort now..." _

"_Edward.." _

"_Who?" _

Edward didn't exist in my dream? No. This was wrong. In what twisted universe could he cease to exist and I continue to live? That's not the way things were supposed to be. I prayed that some outside touch would wake me up. I tried opening my eyes but they were sewn shut. I was stuck in this dream forever. Carlisle lifted my arms and pulled off my t-shirt before throwing it to the floor. He wasted no time at all. He worked eagerly. As if we were constrained for time. As if he was trying to hurry up before I awoke. He lay me on the bed we shared only once previously and began kissing my entire body from head to toe. He removed my bra and kissed my breasts gingerly. Even nipping at it ever so gently and playfully with his teeth. He licked my stomach and around my navel before unzipping my pants agonizingly slow. I sighed and moaned. My fingers stuck in his hair. He kissed lower down my torso and ran his tongue over my pelvic bone. I shuddered. I drew in a thick amount of air and willed myself not to moan anymore. It wouldn't work.

"_Stop.." _I sighed. He looked up to me and laughed. His voice sounded erotic. Even as he was defying my command.

"_Never..." _He smiled up at me before pulling my pants down and off of my legs. He moved back up my body to kiss my lips. His fingers worked nimbly over my body. I was shaking. His fingers went down between my legs and touched the area that was still clothed there. My body went tense. The pleasure was unbelievable. And still I wanted to stop. But I couldn't move. His other hand before my face. His finger placed horizontally to my lips. As his other hand worked more ferociously against my groin I made use of his finger and bit down hard to quell my sounds. His hand rocked against me. My legs felt weak. I let out a final sigh as he changed his position. I could feel myself. Slick and ready. And yet...so unwilling. He pulled my underwear off and took in the sight of my body. He pushed my legs apart and made a place for himself.

"Please..." I begged. I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted this dream to end. I wanted him to walk out the door and slam it so hard that it would wake me from my sleep. Carlisle smiled. Thinking I was begging for him. And then before I could take a breath, he and I were together again. In the worse way. He placed his hands gently on my waist as he went to work on my body. Making me moan. Making me squirm. Making me close my eyes so tight that tears came out of my eyes. But it didn't hurt. Pain was the last thing I felt. I felt fear. Regret. Guilt. But so much pleasure. It went on forever. And I couldn't take it anymore. I clutched myself closer to him. I stuck the fingers of my right hand into his hair. The other hand sunk into the flesh of his back. I screamed. I sighed. And then I called his name.

"_Edward!" _

I gasped. I sighed. I called Edward's name over and over. And then I went limp In his arms. I rested myself against his cold chest and let him cling to me. And then he pulled away. He twined his fingers into my hair and made me look at him. Made me look into his eyes. And I knew what he was saying without him even speaking a word.

"_No Bella. No. Carlisle. Me. I love you, but I can only be me..Love me.." _

The pain painted across Carlisle's face was apparent. It struck guilt in me. Even if it was only in my dreams, he knew. He knew that when I made love to him...I wasn't really making love to _him. _He lay my naked form onto the bed and rested beside me. Not touching me.

Then I felt a hand from reality shake me.

"Bella...Bella..."

"Edward?"

"Damn it. Wake up.." It was Carlisle. I stirred slowly. Then sat up in bed. I looked up and saw Edward standing at the door. Looking at me with wide eyes. I was confused.

"Edward?.." I whispered. And then I looked to the right of me. Carlisle. Sitting up in the snow white bed beside me. His chest bare. I shivered and looked down at myself. Seeing that I was wearing nothing either. Carlisle and I were beneath these bedsheets naked. And Edward was standing at the open door fame. My heart pounded. My face reddened. The fear was immeasurable. I could barely speak.

_My God, What have I-_

"Edward I!- I can- I can explain! I was dream-" Edward turned his head away. His face pained as I let go of the sheets I was holding around myself. Seeing my naked body. And then he turned from me. Shocked. With the intention of walking away. Then I heard Esme. She came running.

"Bella! Edward! Oh, Edward. I heard Bella shouting for you.. Is she alri-" She stopped as she looked to me and her husband lying in the bed.

_No_...

"Carlisle!..."

Her shocked impression killed me. Her hands went up to her lips. Staring. Shaking her head in disbelief. She sobbed tearlessly and ran from the room. Once again leaving us with the hurt stare of Edward.

"It was a mistake!" I shouted. He still said nothing. "Edward please..say something!" I cried. I wanted him to yell at me. To throw a tantrum. Give me what I deserved. He just stood there. Looking pained. If he could cry he would have been.

"Bella..." He whispered. He closed his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and turned away. Bumping into a confused Emmet and Rosalie on the way out. They saw me laying naked and Carlisle getting dressed hastily. Now they knew. Everyone knew. I lost everything. When everyone had gone I bawled miserably. And then I heard shouting. I picked up my clothing and threw them on before running downstairs.

"Edward, calm down!" Alice shouted. Edward paced around the sitting room. His fists pressed up to the side of his head. Pacing the room. His breathing raspy and quick with anger. And then he punched a hole into the wall. Sending the foundation flying about and making the whole wall tremble and crack. Carlisle was standing in the midst of it all.

"Edward. Please. Come sit. You, Bella and I need to talk.." He spoke calmly but there was fear in his eyes. Esme was nowhere to be seen.

"There is nothing to talk about! You've been s-sleeping with _my _girlfriend!"

"Edward it's-"

"You. How dare you put your hands on her?" He yelled. He lunged for Carlisle but Emmet and Jasper held him back. He pushed them off.

"Let go of me!" He snarled. "How long has this been going on? You tell me! How long?" I stepped down the stairs and pushed the two men out of my way. I stood before Edward .

"Edward..please. We need to talk. Please..." I cried. Tears streaming from my eyes. My head throbbing. I felt like I was dreaming. This couldn't be real. Reality couldn't sting this much. He didn't look at me. He tried walking away from me. I wouldn't let him. I stepped before him every time. Willing for him to talk to me. He fumed.

"Bella.." He whispered in an angry tone.

"Edward no, you have to listen to me!"

"Bella..." He repeated.

"Just wait for a minute-"

And then I flew backwards quite a distance. Jasper shot across the room and caught me in his arms. My body felt jostled. I couldn't believe..he pushed me. Edward stared at me. His mouth dropped. He looked at his hands and then back at me. Shaking. In disbelief that he almost hurt me

_I deserved it...I deserve worse..._

He shook his head and then ran. With lightening speed. He was gone. I heard a car start up outside and the loud screech of tires that shot the night air. Carlisle came to me now. Trying to take me from Jasper's arms.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed. "You! This is your fault!"

"Bella.."

"You raped me!"

"Carlisle!" Rosalie yelled. "How could you-" Emmet pulled his wife to the side and whispered something inaudible in her ear. Probably telling her to stay out of this. Good idea. This was a trainwreck. And no one was stepping back from this one without getting a little bloodied up. Not even them.

"I thought.-"

"I was sleeping!" I yelled. My voice was hoarse. "My god..I-I thought I was dreaming!"

"Bella" He reached for me again.

"No! Don't you get it? I don't love you! And every time I made love to you..believe me..I never even saw your face!" I spat. The house was deathly quiet now.

"I'm going out to look for Esme." Emmet said. Breaking the ghostlike trance that swept over the house. He wouldn't even look at us. Rosalie stepped before me. Staring at me wildly. She rose her hand and struck it across my face. I deserved it. I held my face. Burning from her slap.

"I should have killed you the moment you stepped foot in Forks.." She mumbled. And then she followed her husband out the door. A bit of silence passed. Carlisle and I stood there in the siting room. Basking in the repercussions of our mistakes.

"We need to find him..." I whispered in the quiet, broken house.

"Let's go."


	10. Chapter 10

**10. LIKE THUNDER**

We drove around Forks. Carlisle using his sharp eyes to peer into the forests that passed us in a flash. No Edward. Everywhere we went was void of my perfect angel. I had wronged him. More than once. And now I was paying for it. I felt him gone from me. I felt different. Disconnected. And in my heart I knew that there was no way to really fix it.

"Bella."

"Drive.."

"If you would just-"

"Just drive!"

"No! Now you listen! I didn't know you were sleeping. You spoke. You moved like you were awake. And then you called his name..and I knew. By then it was too late. Edward already heard you. He was already there. Thinking you were calling to him for help. I would never...rape someone I lo-"

"Love? I don't think you love me Carlisle. I think we were both being stupid. You may be a vampire but I've seen that all men are the same. All of them get bored with their marriages. And me...Well, I have no excuse. I love Edward...only him...It only feels good to be with you because you remind me so much of him sometimes..."

"Boredom...You think I'd risk everything I have. You think I'd be willing to leave my wife because of boredom!" He looked at me with fiery, dark eyes.

"It's confusing to me too, why I love you so much! It was never like this. I had never thought of you this way..not once when you came to Forks because I knew you were for my son. You're just a..little girl who can't keep herself out of trouble...But the feelings...it came like a shot in the dark...like thunder. I don't know how or why...it just is...and it's not out of _boredom _as you'd like to think!" He snarled.

My head and heart pounded in synch. There was pain all over my body. I felt like an addict going through withdraw. The pain was unbelievable. I had to have Edward back. I let Carlisle's words sink in, but I couldn't think about them as much as I was thinking about my beloved.

"I will always love him...Only him. He's my soul."

"I know..." Carlisle said. His jaw clenched much like his son's would in this situation. I turned and looked out the window. Where could he be? For half an hour we drove. Contemplating where he could be. My heart pounded at the thought that he was heading back to Italy. He wouldn't...he wouldn't do that to me..I wasn't worth that. Every time I thought of Edward standing before the Volturi, my heart sunk and I so terribly wanted throw up.

_If he dies..I will follow. Gladly. Willingly._

"Edward..." Carlisle hissed. Whether it was out of frustration that we couldn't find him, or that I would always love him, I didn't know. I was too deep in thought.

"_Tell me what you're thinking, It's still so strange for me, not knowing."_

"_You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."_

"_It's a hard life. But you still didn't tell me." _

"_I.. was wishing I could know what you were thinking…"_

"_And?"_

"_I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."_

"_I don't want you to be afraid." _

"_Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."_

"_What are you afraid of, then?"_

"I'm afraid of losing you..." I gasped. That was my thought as I moved to kiss him that bright and sunny day. My eyes opened. Pulling me back from a perfect memory and back into harsh, cold reality.

"What?..." Carlisle looked at me funny. Questioningly.

"The meadow.." I said.

"What are you-"

"Carlisle he's at the meadow, come on!"

I could almost feel him now. Edward. Laying in the meadow. Looking up at the stars. Trying to fathom how someone who loved him so much could betray him in such a way. Wondering what to do with himself. Preparing to leave me forever. Carlisle pulled up to the end of a dirt road and in front of a vast forest. I leaped out of the car as fast as I could.

"Carlisle...Do you smell-"

A growl built in the blonde's hair as he pulled me by the arm and threw me quickly but gently onto his cold back. I held on tight and closed my eyes as he ran with me under the dark green canopies of leaves. Weaving in between long, thick trunks. Bounding over fallen logs. And the closer I got, the more pungent the smell became. And then the sounds. Yelling. A cry so loud and heartbreaking I wanted to be swallowed up by nothingness. And then I noticed that Carlisle and I weren't moving anymore. I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder in awe. I slid down from his back and looked at the spectacle. Fire consumed some areas of the precious meadow that Edward and I shared. What was he trying to do? Burn everything to the ground. I stood in what used to be a perfect humongous patch of long, wild glass and honeysuckle flowers. But I looked to my left. And I looked to my right. And bright orange flames were trying their best to dominate. And there, before the tallest inferno was Edward. Kneeling in the grass. Shaking. Bleeding. How? His white shirt was torn all over. His back turned to us..

"Edward.." I breathed. I saw, even from a distance that Edward's back straightened. I was prepared to run to him when Carlisle held me back.

"No. Wait..."

"I need to talk to him!" I hissed.

"He needs to be calm first..it's not safe.."

"He wouldn't hurt me.." I said as I tried walking to him again. I couldn't break free of the strong arm holding me. I slapped at him.

"Bella! Let me go first! Alright?" I was breathing hard. The smoke wasn't enough to suffocate me, but it was enough to make my eyes burn. The tears were caused by anything but that right now. Carlisle left my side. He began walking to Edward carefully.

"Edward."

"Get away from me!" Edward snarled. His voice sounded different. Very different. Raspy. Hoarse. Demonic. Was he still my Edward? Oh, what right did I have to ask that? I did this to him. Me.

"Edward...We need to talk."

"Leave!" His agonized voice reverberated against the night. His body bent over again. He sobbed into the ground. His hands over his head. He rocked back and forth. I looked about the place. If it weren't for the fire illuminating the meadow, I wouldn't have been able to see a thing. It was scary. This was hell. It used to be my refuge. Not anymore. And then a thought dawned on me..Edward was trying to destroy this place before we came. Our beautiful memories only haunted him now. Edward threw up his beautiful head from the ground and screamed up to the sky. His hands began to claw at his own chest as he sobbed. I placed my hands to my lips and gave way to my own sobbing. This wasn't happening. When Carlisle got close enough to Edward, he placed his hand down onto his shoulder. The angered vampire shook it off quickly. Carlisle was still bold. He kneeled down by his son and touched his head. Edward didn't move much besides the shaking of his body that continued. Carlisle began to talk to him. I was too far away to hear what he was saying.

_Tell him I say I'm sorry for all this. I don't deserve him..._

And then I heard a loud yell and a snarl being ripped from Edward's throat. He pushed at Carlisle.

"Don't touch me! God..her scent is all over you!" He stood up now. His back hunched. My heart pounded. He only did this while protecting me. Carlisle lay far away from Edward, having been pushed quite a far way.

"Was it worth it, Carlisle?" He yelled in his demonic voice. I stepped further into the circle. Wanting so much to comfort him. To touch him. To kneel at his feet and beg for his forgiveness. He walked closer to his father figure and peered over him. "Was it?" He kicked Carlisle in the stomach as he tried to get up. Carlisle fell to the ground. Not daring to fight back.

"Carlisle is perfect! A respectable vampire! He has never drank from a human since he was made! Carlisle can practice such restraint from blood, he can have sex with mortals! 'And who better to prove it with, than Edward's girlfriend. She who has the sweetest blood imaginable!' he must have thought!"

"You-You know that's not how I feel, Edward! You see into the minds of everyone...you know!" And then Edward fell to the ground on his knees. Covering his ears and shutting his eyes as tight as possible. I was afraid. What was happening to him. It was like he was morphing into something terrible.

"Stop it! Stop it! I don't want to see!"

"No..." I gasped. I knew exactly what he was seeing and hearing in his head. Everything Carlisle was trying to block from Edward were leaving him now. And now Edward knew it all. Every detail. I watched him with a broken heart. His shirt ripped. Blood oozing from his chest where he had mutilated himself with his own nails. The gashes were deep. He was getting paler than usual from the blood loss.

"You bastard!" Edward snarled.

"I love her Edward..." Carlisle whispered. His body straightening with determination.

"Stop..." I whispered. "Stop...stop.."

"You love her?" He yelled before letting out a loud and bitter laugh that made a shiver run up my spine. "Oh, you love her! And you're thinking that you love her more than me, do you? Because you wouldn't have ignored her for the time that I did? Because I left her in Forks alone!..Because I can't sleep with her...Is that it? You think you can give her what I can't! You think that you...love her more!" Edward yelled as he began to rise. There was silence.

"Right Carlisle?"

"This isn't the way-"

"Answer me!" He growled.

"...Yes.." Carlisle said, looking over to Edward.

"Hmm...tell me Carlisle..." Edward spoke. I never saw him like this before. So angered. So punitive. I was frozen to the ground with tears in my eyes. Watching the fire. Watching them. My heart pounding harder than it ever had before. They must have known I was there. They must have heard my heart beating that terrible rhythm. Smelled my flesh emitting the wonderful fragrance of fear. They did such a good job of pretending I wasn't there. Even as they were talking about me.

"Tell me...do you love her enough to die?" My heart leaped. It happened quicker than I thought it could have. Their loud growls ripped the fabric of time. Edward pinned Carlisle to the ground and began punching at Carlisle's face. Over and over again the hardness of Edward's fist spared no mercy. He pounded relentlessly until I saw blood coming from his lower lip. Edward stepped back. Breathing hard. Staring at his nemesis. His eyes a deep black. Carlisle rolled in agony on the ground. Breathing hard as well. Obviously angry now.

"Get up!" Edward yelled. "Get up, you coward! Fight me!"

"I won't fight you..." Carlisle moaned in pain..

"You'll steal my girlfriend from behind my back but you won't fight me? How chivalrous! Get up!" His voice echoed.

_He didn't steal me Edward. I'm still yours..I always have been..._

Carlisle began to rise. He looked at Edward for a while. They exchanged glances of regret and spite. Then the blonde turned his back and began to walk away. Towards me. Edward stared at him for the longest time until Carlisle stepped before me. He stroked my hair away from my face and wiped the tears from my eyes. I was frozen. In fright. I couldn't move.

"We should go.." He whispered to me. And then I heard a loud throaty noise. Before my eyes could catch up to me, Edward's arm was about Carlisle's neck. Dragging him back to the circle of grass and fire. And then Carlisle pushed him off. Edward flew through the air until his flight was stopped by the thick trunk of a tree. The tree shuddered and snapped from his impact and fell to the ground.

"Edward!" I shrieked. I began to run to him. Before I made it two feet to my lover, he was already running with high speed back to the battlefield. Looking angered and yet pleased that finally Carlisle was giving him what he wanted. They stood before each other. In fighting stance. One waiting for the other to make the first move. Nobody did for the longest time. Then blonde moved. Tired of waiting. He pushed Edward to the ground before beginning to rip and bite at Edward's throat. I cried loudly. He already lost a lot of blood.

"Carlisle stop!" My love pushed his way from under the elder vampire and crawled to a pit of fire. He pulled from the flames a large stick that was lit at the top like an oversized match. He swung the wood through the air to build up more of a flame before taking a swing at Carlisle. The vampire jumped back and stared at Edward. His back hunched over as well. He wasn't sparing him any longer. The fun was over. Edward swung once more and hit Carlisle's leg. He yelled in pain and fell to the ground. I could do little but stand there and watch as father and son fought for love and revenge. Edward laughed sadistically before Carlisle rose quickly and swung a fist at Edward. It hit him in the face. Then again in the stomach. The arm. They fought in close contact. Punching. Clawing. Kicking. They were killing each other. The elder jumped on top of his son and held his throat. Squeezing as if he could actually cut off Edward's air supply. He couldn't, but I could see Edward's pain. Trying to push his father away. I couldn't just stand by. I ran into the ring. The fire spreading. My eyes burned. The smoke began to fill my lungs. I called my love's name and wove my way between the flames that wanted nothing more than to touch and scald my skin. I reached Carlisle and tried to pull him off of Edward.

"Stop!" I yelled. My voice wavering from fear. I could barely walk. My legs wobbled. My heart was self destructing my whole body. Making everything else immobile.

"Get away Bella!" Carlisle yelled. His voice was almost as rapturous as Edward's. The blonde looked back at me while holding him down.

"Please..." I begged. And he did. He began to let go. I knew Carlisle loved his son. He couldn't do this. But then I saw Edward's fist clench. Looking up at Carlisle sitting atop him. He made a rumbling noise before pulling his arm back and sending a hard and loud punch into Carlisle's stomach. The blonde fell back. Writhing in pain. This had to end soon. Edward pushed his way past me and to Carlisle where he moved atop of him and began punching at him again.

"How could you do this to me?!" Edward yelled. "How? How could you do this?!"

"Edward!" I screamed. "Stop!" Carlisle was bloody and broken. If Edward didn't stop soon, he would die. I didn't need anyone dying for me.

"I hate you! I hate you!" He yelled. He let all his anger out as he pounded into his father whom he once loved so much. I almost thought I could see tears in his eyes. "I'll kill you!" I moved closer to the two men. One fighting. The other dying and I sobbed.

"Please Edward..." He ignored me.

"How could you do this to me!" He didn't stop repeating those words. His voice got quieter and quieter the closer I got. His body shook with sobs. He was breaking. He was dying to. Because I hurt him. Possibly even worse than he hurt Carlisle tonight. I touched his shoulder and whispered his name. I tried pulling him off the other weak vampire who refused to fight back.

"Please..." I begged. I sobbed. I knew It was useless to try and pull Edward away. He was far to strong. And then Edward left Carlisle alone. And before I knew it he was kneeling on the ground. His arms around my waist. Crying into me.

"H-how could you do this to me?...Bella." He whispered. Tears streamed from my eyes. My heart pounding. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry.." I cried. "I'm sorry...I'm so stupid...I hate myself for this.." I gasped between every word.

"How could you?...I loved you...I loved you..." He whispered. And god, he was bleeding so much. I kneeled down on the ground. And though the fire was raging. Though Carlisle was hurt on the ground, all I could see was him. And all I wanted to do was make everything better.

"You're bleeding..." I whispered. I reached my hand to his ripped shirt to examine his chest. Before I touched the skin, he closed his eyes tightly, took my hand in his and pushed it away. I almost forgot about the venom.

"You've ruined me..." Edward said. His face was sad. There was soot and blood on it. "How can I go on?...knowing that you-"

"It didn't mean anything.-"

"It did to him! And that makes it worse."

"I know..." I cried. "I know...and I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be...You can have him...he _can _give you what you want. I can't do this..." He began to rise weakly. And for the first time ever, his footing faltered and I held onto him to hold him up. He looked at me with an expression I had never seen before. Then he pushed me gently from him and began to walk away from the meadow. I ran as fast as I could to catch up with him.

"I don't want him! I want you! It was always you!" I shouted. My body shook from crying. My head hurt. "Please don't leave me!" I yelled. I had no right to beg him of this but I couldn't stand the thought of being without him. He stopped and stared at me in the eye. I fell to my knees and begged. My face to the ground. Trying so hard not to vomit. The fear. The distress. It was all too much. I could barely speak.

"Bella..." He whispered. "Why? How could you?...After I asked you to marry me..." He breathed.

"Edward..I-" I paused. How was I to explain myself? There was no way. I was wrong. But I told him anyways. "After the first time Carlisle and I were together.." Edward winced and looked away. I kept going. "He talked to me..about passion. Saying that if you had it for me...you would have made me like you. That you wouldn't have left me all along for half a year..And it made sense. I thought that you didn't really want me. That the only reason you wanted me was because of my smell...my taste. I tried not to believe it but I did. I did...until you proposed to me. That was the happiest night of my life. Because I thought you finally wanted me. Forever. I thought you loved me enough to keep me for eternity...but you didn't"

"Bella!" He yelled. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Shh..please. So that confirmed everything Carlisle said. And it hurt. I didn't want to believe it but it was true. Or so I thought..." I trailed off.

"So you went to him?! To sleep with him. So he could make you into a vampire?"

"No! God, I don't even know why it happened! I don't know what came over me! But I didn't go to him so he could change me!"

"Then why did you?!" He yelled. He began to walk away. I was crying helplessly.

"Because I wanted you so much! I wanted to feel your love...and when I was with him...It felt like it was you holding me...I swear it.."

"So you risked everything..to be with him...to know what _I _would have felt like?" He spat with sarcasm. I lowered my head.

"I don't know..I just..I wanted to feel...I don't know...to feel-"

"Loved, Edward..." Carlisle said now with a reposing voice. "She wanted to feel loved...and I gave it to her..." Edward's eyes set on fire and he began to walk to Carlisle to finish him off.

"Stop Edward!" I yelled with as much authority as I could muster. "This is you and me now...please" He stopped and looked at me again.

"Is he right?..." Edward asked. I stayed silent for a while.

"I wanted to feel loved, yes. But it didn't work. The only place I felt it...feel it..is when I'm with you..." I took in multiple gasps of air. Then I felt cold, wet, drops hitting the top of my head. My face. It was raining. And it almost made everything better. It took a long while, but soon the fire in our meadow began to smoulder. I stood up with the strength that the sudden coldness gave me and looked into my boyfriend's dark eyes. I moved to him. Slowly. His body rigid and unresponsive to my wanting to show affection. I didn't care. I wanted to hug him. Hold him..one last time. A kiss was too much to ask for..but I would die for it.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." I said for the thousandth time tonight. I could never say it enough. "Please..forgive me...I love you..." Slowly I felt his arms go around me. My heart swelled. The tears didn't stop.

"You did this...because I didn't make you feel loved?" Edward whispered into my hair.

"I'm stupid..I don't know what came over me...I'm sorry.." He rubbed his fingers over my back. The shirt draped over me, soaked with the water falling from the sky. Edward was shaking. Bleeding. Drenched in water as well. Then he groaned. He was hurt. So was Carlisle. We had to get back to the house.

"Are you okay?..." I whispered. He didn't let go of me. He took a lock of my hair and brought it to his nose. He pushed my hair from my shoulders and to my back. Smelling the flesh of my cheek. My collarbone.

"You smell so good in the rain..." He whispered. He placed his lips to my neck. Sending cold chills running through me. I thought I'd never feel that again. And then I felt a prick. A sting. A penetrating pain. And a tugging at my heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**11.** **FROM THE ASHES**

"**We have to help him!" **

"_No, wait. Get down! They'll see you!"_

"**Look at them! Edward's killing him. We have to help. This guy's smartass idea for a war isn't worth all this shit! I'm not waiting around. Carlisle needs help. He won't fight back." **

"_Shh..no, wait. It's almost over. He won't do it...not Edward."_

"Quiet! Both of you, now! Ah...see? There. True love conquers after all..."

"**It should not have had to end this way."**

"Now, now...cheer up Jasper. Bella will be one of us in three days time. This is just the beginning..."

" _Oh God, Bella...I can't believe it worked...I can't believe he did it...Edward broke the treaty... The werewolves will be coming for us..."_

"Oh yes. I am counting on it. There has been peace amongst us vampires and werewolves for far too long...And to our expense! The restrictions, the rules...the treaties. It is time that one of our races are abolished. It seems Miss Swan has become very..partial to our war."

"_She is more than just a pawn!"_

"Yes, yes of course, Alice...Much more..Oh, you young ones have no idea!...And it is up to you both to protect her. Her transformation must be completed...do you hear me?...Do you?!"

"**...Yes..."**

"_Yes, Aro." _

"Good. And do try to smile. It is only a matter of time before your family is safe and happy again..They will join us soon enough"

"**There is no need to lie to us..."**

"_There's no going back from this, is there?..."_

"**Alice, we lied to them! We manipulated their feelings. We turned them against each other. Of course there's no going back from this!" **

"How optimistic you are!...Oh well, those are the fares of war. Now go. And remember what I've told you...she must come to full power. We're going to need all the talented vampires we can possibly get...if we intend to win..."


	12. Chapter 12

**12. DROWNING LESSONS**

I gasped. And when I breathed, it felt like the air going into my lungs was chlorine gas. It stung. It burned. My body shook barbarically. Everywhere I looked was hell. A dangerous vertigo. A cremation of my live body. A strong burning that I had only felt once before was scorching through my veins. It was fine at first. Numbing. Cold. And then the fire started. And it wouldn't go away. The pain was so much, I couldn't speak. I breathed quickly. Raspily. Like a person dying of hypothermia. But I felt like I was being torched.

"Edward..." I cried. I couldn't hear my own voice. My back arched and my nails dug into cold bed sheets. Where was I?

"Shh...I'm here, love. I'm here.." He stroked my hair back from my pasty face.

"Edward? I can't see you...I can't- I can't see..." I whispered. His voice sounded so far away. Everything was so far away. I screamed loudly. The pain. It was unbelievable.

"Oh god, Bella...I'm so sorry..this was a mistake. This was a mistake...This was a mistake...what have I done?"

"No.." I shook my head. I wanted to explain to him. I wanted to tell him that it's all I wanted. But I couldn't. "Don't leave me..." I whispered. I couldn't see him. Everything was spinning. But I felt the gentle brushing of his hand on my face stop.

"Leave you?" He chuckled lightly. His voice sounded pained. "How could I leave you? I turned you just so you could be mine again. To have you back from Carlisle...I could never leave you now..."

"No.." I said and it hurt to say it. I was never Carlisle's. I was just a fool. Unworthy of his love. So much that I still needed to explain to him, and no strength or composure to do it with. I screamed again. Was it possible for the agony of the venom and my betrayal of Edward to combine? My head began to throb. I tossed my head to the side and screamed into the pillow.

"Bella?...Bella!" He yelled. My body began to shake viciously. And though my pain nearly impaired me to do anything but cry out in agony, I heard another voice.

"Edward? Edward, you here?"

"Emmet! Emmet, Help me!" Edward yelled. I felt his strong arms pin me down to the bed. I felt so...outside myself. But I could still hear the sound of my voice.

"Stop! Make it stop, please!"

Emmet came running up the stairs and to the guest room of the house. The house that would never be a home again, because of me.

"...God...Edward..."

"Help!" He shouted. Emmet ran to the bedside and looked down at me. He gently turned my face to the side and beheld the gash on my neck.

"She's going into shock...Edward...I think you took too much blood..."

"I know!" He roared. I could hear the fear in his voice. "Hold her down!"

At once I felt strong arms press me into the silky mattress. I couldn't fight against them. And though I knew that if I tried, I'd probably end up bruising myself against him, I couldn't stop flailing. I felt cold hands on my face that made me gasp.

"God, she doesn't look good..." Emmet said. He sounded panicked as well.

"Bella? Bella! Bella, sweetheart, look at me! Look!"

"E-Edward?.." I mumbled. I almost forgot he was here. I was lost in my own torment. How could such pain exist when he was here? Edward made everything wonderful.

"That's right...I'm here."

"Don't le-"

"Don't speak..I'm not leaving. I need for you to keep your eyes open...good girl. Look at me..." He spoke. "Take deep breaths.." He instructed. It reminded me of a time when I was 5 and my mom took me to the pool for the first time to get me swimming lessons. I almost drowned that day. I went under and didn't come up for almost a minute. When I did surface, I coughed, choked and sputtered on water. A minute felt like an eternity when you couldn't breathe. And then it occurred to me. This would be one of the last few days that I would actually breathe. The thought scared me so much now, I could barely do it.

"There...there...shh...there you go angel...you're okay..you're okay..." He whispered. Emmet released my quivering body. My only method of concentration was staring my beautiful Edward in the eyes. Wondering if his eyes would be this warm and lovely to me when I was reborn a vampire..Or would he then grant me the scorn I deserved?

"Mmm...why don't you just let the harlot suffer? God knows she deserves it." A feminine voice rang from the door, causing Edward to turn his head. No..I needed his eyes. The flood of agony came back.

"Shut up Rosalie!" Edward rang. The fighting..I couldn't take it. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the thunder rolling outside. The wind trying to blow in the glass windows. I imagined that glass imploding into the room. And that every shard flew in my direction. Cutting into me. Cutting me to pieces. That's what it felt like...that's what I deserved.

"You know it's true!" she barked. Leaning against the doorframe. "Don't you see the destruction she's done to this family tonight? She had sex with Carlisle! In his and Esme's bed for all we know.."

"We couldn't find her anywhere..." Emmet said in a weak effort to change the subject and make peace.

"Is this the girl you fell in love with, Edward? Is she still the wonderful 'angel' you met in biology class a year ago? A homewrecker, a liar, a cheat?"

"No..." Edward muttered. Rosalie looked shocked at how quickly Edward gave up on the argument.

"Then why, Edward? I'm not too peachy on being a vampire myself...but _she! _She doesn't deserve to live...let alone, live forever..."

"Because I love her..."

"Have you no self respect?! No shame?!" Rosalie shouted. Edward shook his head.

"No...I don't...not anymore...she's wronged me...but I can't stop Rosalie..." He whispered. He stared at me again. He brushed the hair from my face.

"I'm hers...I can't stop loving her. I promised I'd never leave..And I can't."

"Oh, you _promised_ huh? Well, I don't know about you, but I believe there are circumstances in which binding promises can be broken."

"That's enough Rose.." Emmet spoke. He looked down at me with pity. Hate. He should have been looking at me with hate. Rosalie glared at her husband before exiting the room. There was a long silence with nothing but the sound of me trying not to cry out.

"Edward?..." Emmet whispered lightly. He looked to me and then back at him. His lips moved quickly but I heard no sound.

"He can burn in hell...You should hope he _doesn't_ come back...for his sake..." Edward's jaw went rigid before he turned his attention back on me . His eyes weren't helping anymore. I started yelling again. Every movement I made induced a flame all through me. My eyes began to tear. I felt like a hot hand of iron was taking tight hold of my neck and squeezing hard. Like lava was being poured onto my chest. I began to tear at my shirt. It felt like my air supply was gone entirely. I choked. I'm sure I was turning blue. Air. Gone. I reached for Edward. He took tight hold of my hand.

"Bella, shh...you're just scared. You're just scared. Look at me. You're okay."

I coughed more. It made my head throb. I tried sitting up, but Edward pushed me back down.

"Edward...I wish-"

"You need to save your strength, love. Stay quie-"

"No!" I yelled hoarsely. I took deep breaths. I felt like I was on my death bed. Technically I was. So I had to tell him everything.

"I love you so much...and I'm sorry...I'm sorry...please...forgive me Edward...please. I don't know what happ-" The auburn haired prince closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Just close your eyes...and try to relax"

I closed my eyes. I tried to relax. But I spent the whole night awake. Screaming. Crying. Hoping for this whole ordeal to be over. And wondering what was really binding Edward to me? His love, his promise, or the fact that he knew I needed him now more than ever?

My eyes were burning. Not a wink slept. I found a way to sit up in bed as soon as Edward's back was turned to get a cold, wet cloth for my head. Nothing helped. All that comforted me in the slightest was looking at him. Holding him. And thinking that perhaps he would forgive me for the things I had done. The little bit of light that shone through the grey clouds found my eyes. Making me squint. Making my head hurt even more. Edward lay on the bed beside me. Unsleeping, but eyes closed. I left him be. This was the longest I had stayed quiet since my transformation. He didn't need sleep, but he must have missed the tranquility of calmness. And before my sight could fathom what was happening, he reached his hand up and stroked my face. He stared at me shaking. Bleeding from my arms from trying to scratch the venom out of my veins. Last night was agony in it's purest form.

"This was a mistake..." He said softly. He looked as if he may cry. "How could I do this?..I've killed you...I've killed you...How could I have messed up this badly? I should have never done this to you.." He was a wreck as well. It was a somber thing to see. I stared at him. Until I felt a pain. Like a dagger being shoved into my stomach and then twisted. I screamed loudly before I slipped from the bed. I couldn't walk. My legs crashed from under me. Edward rushed to me and quickly dragged me to the bathroom of the guestroom where I held my head over the toilet and spilled the contents of my stomach. Disgusting. Blood. Bits of skin from my stomach. It scorched my throat. Then the knife pulled out. I lifted my head and took more deep, rapid breaths. Edward stepped a little closer.

"Oh no..." he whimpered. He pulled my hair back from my face. I pushed him on the leg weakly. I didn't want him to see me like this. The knife shoved back in. This time it was heated. I threw up again ferociously. Shaking my body. I puked until my chestbones felt like they were going to break into my body.

"Water..." I whispered from my chapped lips. Edward heard me clearly. He picked up a glass that sat on the counter, rinsed it out and filled it with cold water before placing it to my lips and helping me pour the cold liquid down my throat. It felt nice. I gulped back as many mouthfulls as I could before giving the glass back.

"Are you okay?" He whispered. He touched my face. I closed my eyes and let my head go limp in his hands. I nodded weakly. I spoke too soon. I pulled myself from Edward unwillingly once more and threw up again. Water and stomach acid. It was awful. I groaned.

"Mm..it's working.." He said with a tinge of fear. When my stomach decided to give me a break I looked up at him.

"The venom. Your body is trying to reject all the things it doesn't need anymore...he whispered. He got another cold rag and drenched it with cold water before wiping my face clean. He kneeled before me and placed cold kisses on my cheeks and forehead.

"There's no turning back now.." He said.

"I wasn't about to..." I croaked. I leaned into him. Rejoicing in how wonderful he felt.

"No..." He said in a strangely scornful tone. It made me pull from his chest and look up at him."You've worked too hard to become what you're becoming..." He muttered. He lifted me gracefully from the floor and carried me to the bedroom where he lay me on the soft sheets. I curled myself into the fetal position and clenched my nails against the pillows when I felt pain. Grinded my teeth. I meditated on what Edward said before laying me down and sitting in a chair across from me. Looking worried to death. Regretful. Ashamed. Hurt

_Will you never forgive me? _


End file.
